We Have a Winner! Brothers Dan & Jordan Get the Million

Okay, folks, tonight’s the night! One of the three remaining teams will win $1 million! Will it be airhead models Brent & Caite, cowboy brothers Jet & Cord, or brothers Dan & Jordan? Tell you what, it will be a fight to the finish, with the way things are starting out, that’s for sure!

The teams begin in Shanghai, China, and Brent & Caite lead the way from the Pit Stop. Their clue tells them to go to San Francisco, and find Battery Godfrey, a military outpost near the Golden Gate Bridge. Brent & Caite are looking forward to getting back to the States. Cord doesn’t know if he’s more excited to be in the Final Three or to be headed back to the US. At the airport, the marked counter doesn’t open until 10:45 a.m. Dan & Jordan arrive and meet up with the other two teams, and Jordan puts his backpack by Brent & Caite’s, and decides that puts them second in line for tickets. Dan & Jordan end up standing in front of Jet & Cord, and there is a bit of arguing. Quite low-key, thankfully (although if it got heated the Cowboys would definitely put Dan & Jordan out very quickly, I imagine). Jet wonders aloud how the brothers got in 6 hours after them but can get tickets ahead of them. Jet & Cord discuss “grabbing their backpack and throwing them backward” but say it could get them in trouble. Jet says “If that’s the way they want to run the Race, that’s fine with me. If they wanna drop the gloves, I’ll drop the gloves. As the Cowboys interview in line behind the Brothers, Jordan says “it’s a race, it’s a game, and there’s a million bucks at the end. You can hate the game but don’t hate the player.” The Cowboys just shake their heads and as they leave with their tickets, Jordan tells them “don’t hate” and Jet just tells them “get out of the way.” After not doing a dirty thing one time on the Race so far, (per Dan), they’re not being Mr. Nice Guy any more. It’s the Final Three, and they’re going for it. (I can’t really decide if this move was all that evil. Yes, they should have gotten their tickets in third place, and I think it was ethically nasty, but I think it was a smart move. If Jet & Cord hadn’t gotten tickets, now that would have been really evil of the Brothers. Besides, we’ll see if Karma catches up with them!) Dan got the idea to talk to a stewardess and see if they could move up to first class - and they did so rather than being in the back of the plane, they’re now getting off first. They make it out of the airport first and get a big jump on the other teams.

At Battery Godfrey, the clue is a riddle: “I was built in 1933. I’m 210 feet tall. My insides are lined with murals painted by 26 different artists. What am I?” The clue box will be at the Coit Tower at the top of Telegraph Hill, where you can see the city in all directions. Brent & Caite, in the meantime, are getting clues that their cab driver isn’t sure where he’s going. Jet & Cord are in the same predicament, when their cabbie says “almost somewhere now here.” Jet & Cord pass Brent & Caite as they look at a map on the side of the road, and tell their driver to go to Langdon Street. Dan & Jordan’s cab driver can’t help them solve the riddle so they run along a guy riding a bike and find out it’s Coit Tower. Jordan (who up till now I assumed to be somewhat bright) says “people who ride bicycles are smart. It’s a general rule.”

Jet & Cord pass Brent & Caite to the clue box. Back in Shanghai, they bought a travel guidebook to San Francisco, and as Jet read the clue Cord remembered it was in the book. They leave and we see Brent & Caite complaining because their Asian cab driver speaks little English. (Karma will bite you in the ass every time, kids!) Jet & Cord tell their cabbie to drive fast as they pass Brent & Caite’s cab so he won’t tell them where to go. Caite whines “now we’re gonna lose because of this dumbass.” At the Coit Tower, Jordan sees something hanging off a high window and tells Dan “you’re going to have to climb it for the clue.” Not really - it’s a Roadblock, and one team member must climb the side to grab the clue using a mechanical ascender (a rope thingy). Dan gets geared up and starts inching his way up the side of the Tower.

In the meantime, Ciate is being especially obnoxious and rude, now calling their cab driver a dumbass out loud. Brent tells her to chill out, and she tells Brent she wants to punch him in the face. (If they get married and have kids, Brent should stay out of the delivery room. Caite gets a little pain and she’ll kill him!) Jet & Cord get to the Coit Tower as we see Dan struggling to get up the Tower. Cord will attempt the challenge and Dan manages to finish and get back down with the clue before Jet gets moving up. (Was anyone else getting aggravated with Jordan’s encouragement to his brother - ending every sentence with “bro”?)

The clue tells them to go to Yoda Fountain which yes, is a fountain with a statue of cute little Yoda. It’s located in front of Lucasfilm Studios. As their cab takes off, calling someone to find out where the Yoda Statue is, Jet is making short work of the climb up the tower. Brent & Caite stop and ask someone to help them solve the riddle and their driver says he knows where Coit Tower is. Dan & Jordan get to the clue at Lucasfilm and it tells them they will “join forces with a special effects company." One team member will put on a motion capture suit and go to a sound stage. The other team member will sit in front of a computer dressed in a storm trooper suit and direct them through a virtual maze. Once they decide which role they’ll take, they’re escorted into the building by armed storm troopers. Looks ominous! As Cord descends the Tower, he says “riding bulls is much easier than that!”

I guess the “director” of the maze doesn’t have to wear a storm trooper suit - bummer. That would make it a bit harder, I would think, but the storm trooper was just for show. Letdown! Jordan keeps laughing that he’s wearing a “suit with balls on it.” They can hear each other, and Dan will have to make Jordan walk around a room as Dan watches a computer screen. Jordan has an avatar on the screen and there’s a maze he has to go through with Dan’s direction. Dan mentions that he’s a sports freak and not into video games. Dan first tells Jordan to “walk toward the blue light” but Jordan sees nothing but a plain room that almost looks like a gymnasium. It doesn’t take Dan long to catch on and he has Jordan turn in a circle so he can “see” everything around him.

Jet & Cord show up and as Jet is getting suited up, Cord hears Dan talking and starts barking orders himself (without his headset on yet) - telling Jet to jump up and down, and do ballet moves. Dan is getting peeved as Cord yells louder, telling Jet (who’s not even out there yet) to “do a two-step” and “sashay.” Dan gets his composure and gets Jordan through level one. Cord is finally on the headset telling Jet “you see that blue spot” and Jet tells him he can’t see anything like that. Jet’s Avatar on the screen is wearing a black cowboy hat! Dan gets Jordan to the end, but there are words circling on the screen and Dan has to read them. Back at the Tower, Brent does the climb and takes the time to enjoy the view on the way down. Jordan moves his head and Dan realizes that when he does that, the words slow down. Jet is getting close to the end of level one, but he has to move forward and Jordan is in the way. Cord slaps the wall next to him where Dan is, telling Dan to direct Jordan out of the way. Dan swears at Cord and Cord tells him “I’m gonna have these Star Wars guys take you out, man.”

Jordan is spinning around in circles so Dan can read the words, but telling Dan he’s about to throw up. Cord tells Jet to get out of the way so he doesn’t get puked on. Jet can step up enough for Cord to get to the second level. Jordan spins a bit more and Dan finally gets what he needs and Jordan is happy he doesn’t have to spin any more. As he leaves, Dan yells out instructions as he passes Cord. The Brothers leave as they read the clue: “A long time ago, on a hill, this Polynesian haven and they called it Tonga.” They must go to a Tiki Bar called Tonga for their next clue. (And they’re in San Francisco, so the “on a hill” part isn’t any help.) As they leave the building Jet gets to the end and Cord can’t figure out how to read the words (after all the spinning by Jordan you’d think they’d have figured that part out!) Brent & Caite get to Lucasfilm and Brent immediately says “I’m the director.” Cord is looking for the “slo mo” on the computer. He’s catching the beginning of the clue as Brent & Caite get through the first level.

Dan & Jordan get to Tonga. They must take a trunk that is there to their next destination. They’re not sure where that will be because there’s no clue box, but there’s a label on the trunk that says “The Great American Music Hall.” They bump into a local who has no idea where it is.

Back at the studio, Cord finally realizes that Jordan was spinning for a reason. Brent tells Caite to spin around pretty much from the beginning. Dan & Jordan finally find someone who knows where they have to go, and are told it’s a 10-15 minute walk away. Brent & Caite finish just behind Jet & Cord, but lose any hope of catching up when Caite asks where their “money and stuff’ is. They realize they have to turn around. Dan & Jordan are getting tired carrying the trunk and start arguing about moving the trunk the wrong way and bashing their shins. Jet & Cord are running through the streets with their trunk, telling a passing woman “excuse me, Ma’am. We got kicked out.” Dan & Jordan make it to the Music Hall and Phil explains that San Francisco was the heart of the psychedelic music scene. (So, what, they’re gonna have to drop acid and try and finish the race? Get through an orgy with 10 women? And two guys? Protest at a sit-in?) To get their final clue, they’ll have to “flash back to the Age of Aquarius.” In their trunk are 11 psychedelic posters. Eight represent the teams already eliminated and three represent the non-elimination legs. They will have to put the posters in the proper order to get their clue, and Jordan is ecstatic because after watching the Amazing Race for 15 seasons, he knows there’s a memory challenge involved. He wrote down everything as they progressed through the Race. He shouts out the order of teams to Dan as Dan hangs the posters and they finish in very fast fashion. Their last clue reads: “Jack be nimble, Jack be quick. To find the finish line, jump over to [blank].” As they put their posters back in the trunk, Dan figures out they need to go to Candlestick Park. They spend some time hugging before they dash off to find a taxi, which they have trouble locating.

Jet & Cord seem to be making good headway with the posters and Dan & Jordan still haven’t found a taxi. As the Cowboys finish, Dan & Jordan get a cab and what looks like right after, Jet & Cord hop in a cab. Their cabbie asks them if there’s a rodeo at Candlestick Park. Jordan sucks up saying they have the “best cab driver ever.” It looks very close, but I’m wondering exactly how close it is. Dan & Jordan emerge onto the field through the big helmet and jump on Phil at the Mat. They both talk about what an amazing experience it was, and how great it was to win. It seems like the Cowboys come running in shortly after, and find out they’re team two. They talk about traveling around the world with their brother and best friend, and “with my character and integrity intact.” A swipe at Dan & Jordan, for sure, but as it turned out it wouldn’t have made a difference, so they need to let it go. Brent & Caite show up and we see Brandy & Carol (talk about letting it go) watch them come in and Brandy doesn’t clap and Carol claps slowly. Phil asks her if there was anything Caite wanted to prove, and she says “that I’m intelligent” and we see Brandy snark something to Carol. Phil says she is the only woman to finish in the Final Three, “but there are two other women....” Caite turns to say something to Carol & Brandy and Brandy immediately jumps on her, saying “I don’t want to hear sorry. You purposely whacked us.” Carol is turning away in embarrassment. Caite tells her “maybe ya’ll should have treated people a little bit better.” Brandy tells her “if you can’t handle it....” and Ciate comes back with “I can handle it. Obviously I’m standing her and not you.” Sorry, folks, she’s a bitch (not that Brandy is any better). Jordan interviews later saying that he can now say that “hey, bro, when we’re on the same team, we’re unbeatable.”

So another season has ended, another race around the world is done. We’ll look forward to The Amazing Race 17 in the fall! Have a great summer everyone and thanks for your comments!