Running Through Russia, Clowning Around, and Mistakes Abound - our Internet Wonders Get Eliminated

All our teams are leaving from Saint Petersburg, Russia and the St. Isaac’s Russian Orthodox Cathedral, which Phil tells us was forced to become a museum of Atheism during the Communist regime. Jill & Thomas leave first, and the clue tells them to go join the circus - they must taxi to Avtovo Circus. Brook remarks that she hopes she has to wear a leotard! All the teams catch up, however, because the circus doesn’t open that early. Once inside the clue is a Detour: Circus Band or Circus Clown. For Circus Band, they choose an accordion player to teach them a tune, and once both team members complete it correctly, they’ll get their next clue. For Circus Clown, the teams will have to learn how to keep 10 plates spinning on sticks for 10 seconds to get their next clue. All the participants have to wear big red noses during their tasks, and the Russians putting them on are very serious about it! Mallory practically gets accosted by a guy putting hers on. Thomas & Jill, Brook & Claire, Michael & Kevin, Chad & Stephanie and Nick & Vicki go for the Clown and try to spin plates. Thomas is ever so encouraging, yelling at Jill to spin her plates faster. Kevin is trying to get his going amid all the noise and clowns dancing around. Chad isn’t doing much better in the encouragement department (he and Thomas aren’t the best at that so far anyway!) Nick tells us that his grandmother had a clown room that he and his brothers slept in as kids and when they woke up at night time, they saw clowns staring at them and so they don’t like clowns. He tells a clown hanging over his shoulder “don’t touch me.”

Nat & Kat are over at the Band task and having problems figuring out the melody - until they come up with the idea to write numbers on their fingers and remember the tune by which fingers play next. They wrote down every note the guy played - sheer genius, if you ask me! Gary & Mallory and their big red noses are also learning to play accordion. They get through the first part of the song and find out that there are three parts to it and they have to learn all of them. Thomas & Jill decide to abandon the plates and go after the accordions, especially since the Band challenge was right next door. Brook & Claire take their time and focus and get all their plates spinning, and get their next clue - “Time to solve a Russian mystery.” They have to figure out that they’re looking for Bank Bridge, which is “guarded” by four creatures with golden wings.

Kat is laughing because her nose keeps falling off - and unintentionally insults her teammate saying “my nose is too small.” (I guess Nat’s is pretty big?) They get through their whole recital and are off with their clue. Gary says he can’t see the keys with his big red clown nose. Chad is complaining again that he can’t get the plates so they switch tasks. Nick & Vicki get theirs spinning correctly and leave the task with their clue. Thomas is having fits that they have to learn a second, and then a third song. Gary & Mallory finish their song and off they go, followed soon by Michael & Kevin.

At the bridge, Brook & Claire grab the clue, which tells them to travel on foot across the canal bridge to a historic building, Vladimirskiy Prospekt. They can ask locals to help them but can’t pay a taxi to lead them there. Once they find the building, only two team members at a time can climb the stairs to the top where there will be a figurine on the ledge - a clue to go to the Church on Spilled Blood. They will have to walk to that church for their next clue.

Brook & Claire, Nat & Kat, and Nick & Vicki get their clues and take off walking. Michael & Kevin get to the clue box and Michael tells Kevin to “Read the clue careful, okay? Don’t miss a word.” Of course we know this means they’re gonna screw up something - and they do it right off the bat, by following their cab driver.

Stephanie is proving herself to be the brains of that team yet again, telling Chad to use numbers for their fingers for the accordion playing. Thomas & Jill are having major problems playing their accordions - if they quit complaining so much and tried playing them, they might actually get somewhere. They quit that task again and run back to the plates. Chad & Stephanie finish playing and off they run to the taxi.

Brook & Claire get a local to help them find the building and give him kisses for his trouble - then run off saying “look at every doorway, it’s gonna be marked.” Of course, they run right by the marked door. Nick & Vicki see Nat & Kat walking down the street and join them.

Back at the circus, Thomas & Jill manage to finish spinning their plates and take off, knowing they’re in last place. Nick & Vicki interview that Nat & Kat are “very smart and athletic.” (Sounds like the team they should glom onto - Nick & Vicki need all the help with smarts they can get!) They find the building and Nat and Nick climb the stairs and use binoculars to look over the city. The little figurine is sitting on the ledge and Nick says the smartest thing he’s said this whole Race: “maybe we’re overlooking it - maybe we’re over thinking this.” Down the street, Brook & Claire see Nick and Kat up on the roof and run in that direction. Michael & Kevin show up and Kevin remarks that they carried their bags - and Nat tells him “you’re supposed to leave your cab and walk.” (Clue #1 to major screw-up). Up on the roof, Nick tells Kat that “you usually know what the clue is when you see it - they’re really obvious.” At that point he spots the figurine and laughs to Kat “look how dumb we are.” They find where they need to go and decide to purposely mislead the other teams by telling them they’re not sure but they saw something that said “DS 13" on it. Kevin says that Nick wouldn’t lie to him “because he’s awesome” but he and Claire can’t see what they’re looking for and talk about just going to DS 13. By chance, Claire spots the figurine and luckily they see where they’re supposed to go. Kevin says Nick lied to him and the two teams decide to go together. Thomas and Mallory are the next up the stairs and at least Thomas looks around the inside and sees the figurine. That leaves poor Chad & Stephanie on their own!

Kat & Nat and Nick & Vicki find the next clue box. They have to figure out where Peter the Great is buried, which is the Peter and Paul Fortress, and search the grounds for the clue box. Michael & Kevin and Brook & Claire have jumped in their taxis and as the first two teams leave the clue box at the church, they see the taxis pull up with the other two teams. Nick mentions it and Vicki says “it’s okay, they’ll get penalized.” Kevin yaps at Nick about lying to him and Brook shouts a little righteous indignation too. Kevin goes to ask his taxi driver about their destination, and Nat & Kat find a local to tell them it’s the Peter and Paul Fortress. Nick says there’s nothing in the clue that tells them they can’t take a taxi, so Nat & Kat run back to their original cab with their backpacks still in it and Nick & Vicki try to grab a cab. As they take off in their cab, Kevin says he wants to beat Nick & Vicki so he can tell them that lying doesn’t do him any good.

Stephanie goes up to look for their next clue, and Chad tells us that he’s trying more to let her make decisions - maybe because she’s much better at it than you are? Nick & Vicki are having mega problems finding a taxi, and Nat & Kat get back to their original cab. Nick starts complaining that Vicki runs down a side road to look for a cab as they walk next to a canal and calls her a moron. (Thought you were supposed to be nice from now on, buddy!) In their cab, Claire reads the clue, saying “you must walk to your next destination.” They tell their driver to go back to the tower, knowing (at least from past seasons of The Amazing Race) that Michael & Kevin will get penalized, so Brook & Claire will be able to make up the time.

Stephanie sends Chad up to see if he can manage to see the clue - and he does, telling her “it was right in front of your freaking face.” Make you feel better, macho man? He makes the decision to jump in the taxi, so there goes his smarts! Nat & Kat get to the Fortress first, and the clue is a Roadblock - “Who’s the real player?” Kat will do it by trying to mastering a centuries-old game. It’s a Russian version of bowling called Gorodki. A demonstration shows Phil on a small platform up on pegs, with a Russian tossing a 3-foot stick at the pegs and almost knocking Phil on his ass - he does catch himself and is able to tell us that the teams will have to clear pegs of three different formations with their sticks before they get their next clue. They have two shots at getting all the pegs cleared. Kat gets the first one in two shots.

We see Brook & Claire getting back to thetower on foot, then jumping in a cab. Thomas & Jill and Gary & Mallory find a local to tell them where they need to go, and neither team has their backpacks and Gary & Mallory run tack to get their original cab. Kat gets her next shot at the pegs on her first stick as Michael & Kevin show up, and Michael will do this task. As Michael starts slinging sticks, Brook & Claire show up and Brook will attempt it. Kat gets her third bunch of pegs and their clue tells them to “enter the Fortress and make your way to the next Pit Stop.” Inside the Fortress they must find the bastion where Phil and the Mat will be waiting.

Chad & Stephanie find a local to tell them where to go. Nat & Kat show up at the Mat and are happy to find out they are first - and get $5000 each for their trouble. Michael is still having major problems getting his pegs off the board, while Brook gets her first one. Michael’s sticks are bouncing everywhere but at the pegs, and Brook gets her next two and their clue. Kevin is getting discouraged watching them leave. Nick & Vicki show up - and Nick will do the task, with Vicki telling us “he can take out his aggression on this.” Chad & Stephanie are close behind, with Stephanie deciding to do the task. Nick clears the board with his first toss. After lousy tosses from Stephanie and Michael, Nick clears his second set of pegs. Thomas & Jill show up and Thomas insists this one is his. Nick clears the third set of pegs on two tries and off they go. Thomas gets his first set.

Brook & Claire make their way to Phil with Nick & Vicki right behind. Gary & Mallory show up to the challenge and Gary gets his pegs on the first try - and Michael finally gets his first set of pegs, followed by Stephanie. Gary is killing this task and gets set #2, and Thomas finishes and gets their clue. Gary then blasts his pegs with Mallory telling him what a champion he is, and they make their way to Phil in fourth place. Kevin sees everyone except Chad & Stephanie leave and worries that after getting there in first place, they’ll end up in last - although it doesn’t matter in the long run, they’d get a time penalty anyway so they’re SOL no matter what. Michael gets his pegs done and they run off, with Chad worrying that they’re in last place - but we see Thomas & Jill arguing with their taxi driver about money as they run back for their backpacks, and the driver trying to grab Jill’s backpack off of her. Michael & Kevin run back for their backpacks and find out they’re short of money too, and the cabbie closes the trunk and won’t let them take their one backpack out.

Thomas & Jill find some American money and give their cabbie $60 and he lets them go. They get to the Mat in fifth. Michael manages to find $40 in American money and the cab driver lets them leave as Stephanie gets her third set of pegs. They decide to leave their backpacks in the cab and just run for the Mat. Will they beat Michael & Kevin? Chad & Stephanie see Michael & Kevin running through the Fortress and hope to beat them - and they do, but at the Mat, Phil tells them they have to go back and pay their cab driver before they can check in. Michael & Kevin get to the Mat but Phil tells them they broke a couple of rules - they had a taxi lead them to the tower, and they took a taxi from the tower to the Church, which incurs a 30-minute penalty for each infraction and they can’t get checked in for an hour. They go and sit on the steps as we see Chad & Stephanie running back to their cab. They get back to Phil and he tells them that they also broke a rule by taking a taxi from the tower to the Church. They’ll also get a 30-minute penalty, but since Michael & Kevin were waiting out an hour penalty, that puts them in sixth place. Stephanie interviews later that the Race is moving them forward as a couple and Chad is getting more supportive. (Huh?) Phil then calls Michael & Kevin to the Mat and tells them they’ve been eliminated from the Race. They both say that they’ve come to know each other better because of the Race.

So here’s the order of finish:

1 - Nat & Kat
2 - Brook & Claire
3 - Nick & Vicki
4 - Gary & Mallory
5 - Thomas & Jill
6 - Chad & Stephanie
7 - Michael & Kevin - eliminated

There are two female teams left in the Race, and they both seem pretty together. Will an all-female team finally win? Or will one of our male/female teams keep the women out of the winnings? We’ll find out next week!

A Non-Elimination Leg Saves the Rocket Scientists - Music and Cinema in Russia Give the Teams Fits

Narvik, Norway is the beginning point for this leg of the Race. Staying in the cold part of the world, the teams must go by car (to the train station), train (to Stockholm, Sweden) and plane to Saint Petersburg, Russia. Once there, they must find Vasilesvsky Ostrov Island and on the island, the Rostral Columns, and there they will find the clue box. Nat & Kat leave first, and it turns out that leaving first or last won’t be a big deal, because the train they need won’t leave until 10:26 the next morning. Time to even the playing field! We don’t get any pre-leg interviews with the teams, but we see them all boarding the train. Jill asks Thomas “have you ever slept on a train before?” and he answers “of course.” After all, the great Notre Dame University not only has gondolas but trains the students can sleep on as they travel about campus! This guy is really starting to get on my nerves with his pompous attitude. Nat & Kat share a train car with Brook & Claire, and for some reason they all start smelling each other’s dirty socks and shoes. They’s some sick puppies! Blech!

Once in Stockholm (which is absolutely beautiful from the few shots of the city we got) everyone jumps in a cab except Gary & Mallory and Chad & Stephanie, who for some reason can’t find one. Maybe it’s because they’re screaming at each other - Chad says Stephanie wasn’t ready to go when Chad said they should and all the cabs disappeared. Stephanie isn’t going to take it and yells right back. All that yelling means nothing, because all the teams are on the same flight.

In Saint Petersburg, all the teams remark on the beautiful architecture in the city. Nick & Vicki talk about how the Russians keep all their old buildings instead of “blowing them up” like they do in Las Vegas. Brook & Claire are first to the clue box, which is a Detour: Classical Music or Classic Cinema. For Classical Music, teams must go to a historic palace, find a maestro with three gramaphones and listen to three different compositions being played. They must then go into a ballroom where there are multiple people playing piano, and figure out which three are playing the same music as they heard on the gramaphones. Taking the sheet music from the top of the piano, they have to put it in a proper folder to match the gramaphone and they’ll get their clue from the Maestro. For Classic Cinema, the teams go to a film studio and the first place a movie was screened in Russia. They will have to go through mounds of film strips to find one that matches the movie playing on the screen - Sergei Eisenstein’s silent montage, “October.” If their choice matches, they will get their next clue from the director.

Brook & Claire and Michael & Kevin decide to try the Cinema, and Chad & Stephanie and Gary & Mallory will attempt Music. Thomas & Jill will go to Cinema, and Nick & Vicki and Nat & Kat (who are now in last place) will try Music. Brook & Claire’s cabbie has no idea where the studio is, and Michael & Kevin beat them there followed soon by Thomas & Jill. The teams are thinking it will be tough looking through all the film strips. Chad & Stephanie get to the Music palace and are a bit overwhelmed by all the pianos in one room and trying to pick out the music of just one. All the Music teams soon get there and rush around the room trying to find the music they need.

Brook & Claire are still in the cab, with their driver asking directions. Chad & Stephanie take their music and find out they’re wrong. Thomas manages to find some large Russian writing on a film strip and they get their clue, which is a large film reel container. There is a photo on it, which is the Palace Square (the Music teams get a record with the photo on it), and that’s where the next clue box is.

Vicki tells us that the Music task was mentally challenging (although I think putting on her socks would be mentally challenging to her!) All the teams take their music to the maestro and are told “nyet” over and over again. Brook & Claire find a piece of film strip with the Russian writing on it also, and Michael & Kevin watch yet another team leave before them. They finally find the Russian writing and are off.

Thomas & Jill get to the clue box at the Palace Square which tells them to go to the town of Alexandrovskaya. They will follow a marked road to a neighborhood store for their next clue. Gary & Mallory are the first Music team to give up and go to the Cinema, followed soon by Nick & Vicki and Nat & Kat. Chad sees everyone leaving and asks Stephanie what she wants to do, and she wants to stay and finish this task. Gary & Mallory get to the film studio and Mallory tells her dad to say a prayer (because of course, God has nothing better to do than worry about some Amazing Race teams). Nat & Kat laugh at the studio that this could be the faster task as they sift through the mounds of film strips. Chad is getting frustrated and Stephanie isn’t putting up with it, saying “I’m trying to be positive.” Thomas & Jill are stopping at what they think might be a store, and end up playing charades while asking some locals where some marked signs might be to drive to. Brook & Claire catch the red and yellow arrows and get to the store to see some little old ladies and get a Roadblock: “Who’s ready for a Russian drag race?” Phil tells us that Russian women known as Babushkas do the farmwork. One team member will have to work in the field. They’ll have to dress as a Babushka and plant a row of 50 potatoes - but! They’ll have to fertilize with a “generous helping” of cow manure.

Brook takes off after putting on her dress and scarf and following the directions, finding her potatoes and wheelbarrow to fill with manure. Kevin decides to do the Roadblock since they “needed to catch up” until he found out he had to wear a dress, and then wished his dad would have done it. He looks really cute in his dress and Babushka! He manages to find the field before Brook and the ladies speak to him in Russian as they show him what to do: first dig a hole, shovel in some manure, drop in a potato, and cover it up. Kevin is repeating the words and learning Russian as he plants, although he’s stepping on his dress as he moves. Back at the Cinema, Nick hopes that Chad & Stephanie are still having problems with the pianos - and he’s right as they once again hear “nyet” from the maestro. Chad then decides that “we’re done. We’re screwed.” when Stephanie asks if he wants to switch. Sure, why not give up, that’s the best idea! Stephanie asks if that’s what he’s doing, is quitting, and Chad says “Yeah, we’re done.” Stephanie doesn’t want to (of course) and they run off to listen to another piano. Getting it wrong once again, Stephanie asks if he wants her to just do it herself, that she wants to stay and work it out together. Chad is having problems letting Stephanie take the lead and interviews later that he had to let her direct them, and whaddaya know? With her lead they get it right! Stephanie interviews that she will teach him to let her lead now and again.

Nat finds the correct film strip and she and Kat are off. Nick complains that they got there last and they’re the first to leave - “those girls have the best luck.” Thomas & Jill finally get to the store and Jill will don the babushka and farm. The Russian ladies are remarking what a good worker Kevin is and Brook finally finds the farm to start planting. We see Kevin planting away as a Babushka shouts encouragement to him, telling Kevin “come on, come on! I love you!” in Russian and Kevin is laughing and really moving - and interviews later that “I think I fell in love a little bit.” Brook is yelling that “I stepped in poo!” and wiping her hands on the ground while the Russian ladies get a good laugh.

Mallory manages to find a film strip and she and Gary run off and yell “good luck” to Nick and Vicki. Nick & Vicki decide to go back to the pianos because “we’re not quitters.” Kevin has finished his planting and with a kiss to his Babushka gets his clue which tells him to go to the next Pit Stop at St. Isaac’s Cathedral, which is the largest Russian Orthodox cathedral in the city and took 40 years to complete. Brook finishes her planting and Jill is planting away while the Russian ladies remark that “these skinny girls can do everything.” As Brook & Claire leave in the cab, Claire complains that Brook “smells ripe.” Thomas is complimenting Jill on how fast she completed the task (even though she didn’t go to college! Imagine that!) Brook & Claire’s cab has to stop for gas as Nat & Kat show up at the store and Nat will plant the potatoes. Chad & Stephanie get there and Stephanie will do the task, and as she’s looking for “Duck’s End” and the wheelbarrows, Nat sneaks by Stephanie with her wheelbarrow full of poo. Back at Music, Nick & Vicki decide to concentrate on one song at a time and find it much easier. Nick interviews that he promised himself and Vicki that he would never blow up like he did with the hoops-in-the-field challenge again. Amazing what one can do when calm and composed, because they sailed through and got their clue.

Michael & Kevin get to St. Isaac’s and can’t find Phil and the Mat and soon after Thomas & Jill show up and run around too. Michael asks Kevin a couple of times about the park across the street but Kevin nixes the idea of looking there, but of course that’s where Phil is! Thomas & Jill take off to the park and get to the Mat in first place, winning a trip to San Paolo, Brazil. After circling the whole cathedral, Michael convinces Kevin to look in the park and they see Phil, but not before Brook & Claire get to the Mat in second place.

Back at the farm, Nat is planting away, but Stephanie can’t find the wheelbarrows and the poop. Mallory catches up and spends a bunch of time looking for the wheelbarrows and Stephanie manages to see the sign to Duck’s End and gets there. Mallory asks numerous locals who don’t speak English and quacks at them to no avail. She asks a gentleman who lifts her over his fence and she thought she was in the right spot - but it turns out that he was asking her if she wanted to hang out and drink vodka with him. Kat finishes her planting and as she runs back for the clue, she passes Mallory who asks where Duck’s End is, and Kat tells her “wrong way.” Stephanie is shoveling poo and when she’s done, she tosses the shovel up onto the pile of poop so the next person (Mallory) would have to climb onto the pile to grab the shovel. She does, and as Mallory turns to leave, her shoe sticks in the pile of poop and her foot comes out of it. She runs with her wheelbarrow yelling that she has cow poop all over her.

Stephanie runs back to Chad who tells her “good job” but adds that she looks good in the getup and “we have to take home that babushka and let you clean the house in it.” (Smack him right now!) Mallory finishes and in the cab, as she looks at her poop-stained hands, she remarks that she would chew all her nails off, cow poo and all, not to get eliminated. Nat & Kat make it to the Mat in fourth place.

Nick & Vicki finally get to the store and with the clue saying “Russian drag race” Nick decides to do the task - and remarks that it was “a race with a whole lotta drag - more queen than cars.” He’s asking the locals where Duck’s End is and all they want to do is pose for pictures with the guy in the babushka.

Gary & Mallory find the cathedral and Chad & Stephanie are right behind them. After running around the cathedral, Gary decides to check the park as Chad & Stephanie drive up and decide to go to the park first. They beat Gary & Mallory to the Mat in fifth place. Nick is planting potatoes, saying he never thought he’d be “planting potatoes in Russia wearing a woman’s dress.” Nick & Vicki tell us that they’re proud of each other as they leave the farm in the cab, and are bummed that they’ll be eliminated. However! Phil tells them that this is a non-elimination leg and they’re still in the Race. Of course, with their mental capacity, that’s enough of a Speed Bump, but let’s see how they do in the next Leg!

Here is the order of finish:

1 - Thomas & Jill
2 - Brook & Claire
3 - Michael & Kevin
4 - Nat & Kat
5 - Chad & Stephanie
6 - Gary & Mallory
7 - Nick & Vicki

Next week, the teams have to join a circus for a bit and Michael has problems throwing sticks. Sounds exciting! Can Nick & Vicki get lucky and overcome their last-place finish? Or will their brains explode and hold them back? Check in next week!