Gorilla!! Tiger!! And Down She Goes!

Mel & Mike was probably one of the most-liked teams this season - by viewers and other teams, too - but they went down in flames because they trusted their cab driver to know where a giant gorilla was. Unfortunately, they couldn’t make up the time and ended up eliminated.

Our teams find out they are flying to Phuket, Thailand and the only clue as to their destination is a photo of a giant gorilla statue. This should be interesting! They are going to have to find someone in Thailand who can tell them where the gorilla is. I can just see Cara & Jamie running around trying to speak English to people who don’t speak English and getting ticked because they don’t speak English in Thailand! In their interview at the beginning of the show they admit that they don’t have the most patience and the language barrier is a major part of that impatience. I think it comes off more as bitchiness, actually, and these two are really starting to bug me. They really give the "ugly American" idea some credence. Then you turn around and see Kisha & Jen feeling so bad for the starving kids as they leave India that they give some kids money.

All the teams get on the same flight and land together in Phuket. Mark & Michael get moving first while Mel & Mike can’t get a taxi and end up leaving the airport in last place. The taxi they finally do get ends up being their downfall, because the taxi driver told them the gorilla was at Patong Beach. All the other teams end up stopping in the same part of the city to ask locals if they know where the statue is, showing the photo and yelling, "Gorilla? Gorilla?" Finding out it was the Phuket Zoo, the teams took off in their cabs as Mel & Mike passed them in their cab. Mike noticed the other teams going in the opposite direction, and realizes that one way is wrong: "We’re either going to get behind or get ahead." (What else can they get? Oh, a Thai massage, like Mel suggested they do if they end up totally lost and out of the Race).

The teams at the Zoo start racing around looking for the giant gorilla. Cara & Jamie are the first team there and although they try and sneak the clue away from the location, Mark & Michael see them and find the gorilla as well. The clue told the teams they had to "first take a picture with Esso the tiger. Then, they had to take part in a typical Thai performance, in which they had to lie on the ground while elephants stepped and squatted over them." (Oh yeah, just wait for the squatting!) They would then have to go back to the Tiger and get their developed photo along with their next clue. Mark & Michael go dashing off, yelling "Tiger? Tiger?" to anyone who would listen for help finding the tiger. When they got there, they see that the tiger handler has only one arm and are understandably nervous, but I’m jealous of the photos with the tiger. It must have been neat (once they got over the paranoia!) Kisha & Jen laughed that "If the tiger didn’t eat Mark & Michael, he won’t eat us," saying that the stunt brothers are "bite-sized." The teams raced off to find the elephants. They ended up lying on a mat on the ground on their stomachs while an elephant put his foot on their butts, walked over them, and then squatted over the person on the ground, looking like a) they were about to drown in elephant pee; b) they would be buried by elephant poo; or c) they would wish they were in prison, because Bubba wouldn’t do half as much to them as the elephant would have!!! I’m sorry, but simply walking over them and patting them on the butt was all I wanted to see the elephant do. It really was kinda - weird.

Mel & Mike, meanwhile, are wandering around the beach looking for the giant gorilla. They show the photo to a local, who tells them to go to the Phuket Zoo, and Mel says, "no, that’s not right" and goes off to find someone else to help him. After he hears this a couple more times he decides that maybe they’re right after all, and they leave for the Zoo.

The clue from the Zoo told the teams to find an herb shop where there would be 99 drawers, six of which held their next clue. They were to "ask the shopkeeper to open one of the 99 herb drawers in search of a clue. If they chose incorrectly, teams would have to keep guessing until they found their next clue." On the way to the herb shop, Cara & Jamie let us know that their nickname for the stunt guys is "the Tweedles," as in Tweedledee and Tweedledum, because "they talk and talk, like animated cartoon guys." (My nickname for Cara & Jamie is "Obnoxious Redheads" because they’re snotty to everyone who doesn’t speak English. So there!) Cara & Jamie reach the herb shop first and have the guy open one drawer before Mark & Michael show up. The shopkeeper motions that they will take turns picking drawers. Cara & Jamie start getting frustrated with the shopkeeper "because I don’t really think he spoke a lick of English." (Imagine! What nerve!) Mark & Michael get their clue and dash off, frustrating Jamie even more. At this point, they’re being so snotty to the Thai non-English-speaking shopkeeper that I’m happy to watch Tammy & Victor, Kisha & Jen, and Margie & Luke get in and get their clue before the Redheads, who have taken to yelling at the shopkeeper (yes, girls, that will really help!)

By this time, Mel & Mike have found the gorilla and are working their way to trying to catch up, knowing they’re hopelessly behind. At the herb shop, as the shopkeeper opens each drawer and they see it has no clue, they laugh and say, "no-o-o-o!" and direct him to the next drawer. It was really fun to watch, and a total contrast to the Obnoxious Redheads. Hopefully it helped the shopkeeper’s view of Americans!

The next clue was a Detour: 100 Barrels or 2 Miles. "In 100 Barrels, teams had to travel to a nearby harbor and work to prepare a fishing shop for ten days at sea. They needed to fill 47 barrels with enough drinking water to last the trip, and they had to move 53 of the empty fish barrels from the bottom deck to the roof arranging them properly for the journey. In 2 Miles, teams had to travel to a nearby temple and choose a rickshaw. In the event of a flat tire, pumps were provided for the teams. Then, while one team member sat in back, the other pulled the rickshaw and found their way two miles through the streets of Phuket to King Rama IX Park."
Mark & Michael decide to go for the rickshaws and when they get there, they see the tire pumps laying there by the rickshaws and fill up their flat tire. Then Mark grabs up all the tire pumps and puts them in the box nearby, making it not as obvious and hoping to delay the other teams with flats. I thought it wasn’t a bad idea - but stay tuned.....

They take off in their rickshaw, they spot their cab and figure they have to pay him anyway, so why not follow him to the Park? I thought that wasn’t a bad idea either - until Tammy & Victor get there and their driver offers to lead them and they read the clue better, which says they cannot hire someone to guide them. They have their driver draw them a map and then tell him to meet them at the Park. They did take off without their air pump, as did all the other teams, but no one got a flat anyway.

Margie & Luke are trying to find the 100 Barrels when they bump into Cara & Jamie, who are also lost. Cara & Jamie’s driver knows where the 2 Miles location is and they decide to switch tasks. Kisha & Jen aren’t doing great finding the Barrels either but stick with it and eventually find the location. In the meantime, Mark & Michael are cruising along in their rickshaw, trading places when the running brother gets tired and following their cab driver to the Park. Mel & Mike get through the drawers and decide to do 100 Barrels also. Victor pulls the rickshaw all they way, which is admirable, but then complains that his sister (his little sister, who is younger and smaller) was heavy. (Smack him once for me, Tammy!) Luke takes off in the rickshaw and Margie realizes that she can’t communicate with Luke, who is running in front of her and tipping the rickshaw so far up she’s almost falling out the back. Margie takes over for a little bit and I can only imagine how she feels (if I could actually run for any distance) in that Thailand heat. Cara is pulling Jamie in the rickshaw and Jamie is screeching at the locals for directions and none of them speak English either, damn them! (Methinks even if they did, they wouldn’t want to talk to her). Kisha & Jen decide to start with loading the empty barrels onto the roof and are almost done as Mel & Mike show up. Kisha then notices the hose with running water and realizes she could have been filling barrels while handing the empty ones up to Jen, which is what Mike does as he hands the barrels two at a time up to his dad on the roof of the boat. Victor & Tammy get to the park and drop their rickshaw at the entrance to the path, only to notice a sign down the way that tells them where to drop their rickshaws and have to go back to get it. Mark & Michael have finished their trek in the rickshaw and get to the Pit Stop, where Phil tells them yes, they are the first team to arrive but! They’ve incurred two 30-minute penalties: one for hiding the pumps and one for paying their cabbie to lead them to the Park. They sit over to the side and sulk, hoping no one shows up.

The teams finish their tasks and all start heading to the Pit Stop. Margie looks horrible in the cab, sweating and saying she has the chills, adding "this is the hottest place I’ve ever been" and "My hands are numb. I feel like I’m gonna pass out." Kisha gets a sneezing fit in the cab and Jen blesses her for the first two, then tells her to "shut up" after the third. (She had some funny noises while sneezing, too). As Mark & Michael have about 4 minutes left in their penalty, Victor & Tammy show up and are told they are the first place team and win a trip to Hawaii. Cara & Jamie show up shortly thereafter, grabbing second, and Mark & Michael end up in third, disappointed but happy to be in the top half of the finish. Margie & Luke show up and Phil tells her "the bionic woman has done it!" As they celebrate their finish, Margie gets wobbly on her legs and pretty much passes out. Phil and the crew members rush to bring her a chair and some water while poor Luke freaks out. They get her out of the sun and fan her a bit and give her water. Someone asks Margie if she wants an ambulance, and she tells them no - she’s embarrassed now. I’d get over that pretty quick after ending up okay! Phil mentions in his blog that "it must have been especially scary for Luke, because otherwise no one could communicate with him."

Kisha & Jen’s taxi dropped them off at the wrong location and they had to scramble for a ride. It looked as if they were sunk when they managed to hitch a ride in a van with other people and managed to get to the Mat before Mel & Mike, who were eliminated. Phil asks Mel "what’s special about your son?" and Mike groans "keep it together, Dad." They really did bond well on the Race and were one of the most likeable teams I’ve ever seen on the show. Too bad for them, really.

So! Now that the "good guys" are gone, who looks like they’ll make it? Will Jamie be murdered as she screams at more locals or will she actually find someone who speaks English and be happy? Will the stunt guys manage not to screw something up on the next leg? Stay tuned!

Camels and ... Nose Flutes??!

The Blondies Christie & Jodi had hope they could overcome their Speed Bump and they did an admirable job, but they couldn’t get over the slow taxi in the horrible traffic of India, and off they go. They were a very nice example of how to run a Race nicely, but proved that "nice girls finish last" - at least for this leg of the Race.

Leaving the Pit Stop, the teams were told to fly to India through Moscow to Jaipur, then taxi to find the Peepli Ka Pedh, or sacred tree, for their next clue. At the airport the teams discussed flights, but realized they would all be on the same flight to Jaipur. Mel & Mike noticed the airline sign and Mel said "Tell me, would you want to fly on an airline named Kacca?" (No, Mel, I wouldn’t!) Tammy & Victor got out of the airport first, followed by our Blondies (good start, ladies). After discussing their destination with their cab driver, Mel & Mike decided to find another cab who really knew where he was going, but the driver dashed off to find someone to give him directions. In the meantime, their bags were in the trunk and Mel & Mike were going nowhere until the driver came back. He did, with directions, but Mel was irritated that they were now leaving in last place. After urging the driver to catch up to the other teams, he said ''This race certainly isn't important enough to dehumanize somebody else by yelling and screaming at them, so I'm gonna feel bad about it for the rest of the day.'' (Let’s see, he doesn’t bother God for help in a reality race, he’s not yelling at cabbies ... what is this, "Let’s see how nice we can be on the Race?" There really are no nasty people this time out. Irritating know-it-all brothers, yes. Willing to U-Turn someone to get ahead, yes. Screamers - nope.) The good start of the Blondies got blown to bits when their cab had to stop for gas. Jodi wanted to know if they had "a hurry button."

All the teams noted how crazy the cab drivers were - as well as the rest of the drivers. It seemed lane markers were just a suggestion! Mark & Michael enjoyed the ride of their "insane" driver and everyone noticed the monkeys jumping from trees to buildings. The teams ended up driving through the slums of the city (no "Slum Dog Millionaire" references here, I never saw the movie). The conditions of the city and seeing children eating garbage and dogs, goats and cows roaming all over made some of the racers upset. Luke told Margie that he felt so bad for the kids, eating garbage and running around naked, crying at the sights. Jaime looked upset and crying as well, but then ends up on the opposite end of the spectrum when she yells at people for "not having the decency to speak English."

At the tree, two red phones sat near a group of "mystics" with instructions to call one of four numbers for instructions. Neither Tammy nor Victor could understand the voice, so they called Babu, their cab driver, to listen and got right out of there. They ended up passing the other teams going to the tree and grinned that they were in first place.

As the other teams came up to the tree, they pestered the mystics asking if they had a clue for them. They wandered in the area, looking for a clue box, moving rocks and branches. Mel asked "Why would mystic men sitting under a tree have a red phone?" but then kept looking. (DUH moment of the Race, so far!) Kisha & Jen noticed the phone and jumped on it, getting the clue and running back to their cab. Kisha asked her cabbie and said, ''Do you know 'A mad football?'' The cab driver looked at her and said ''Amber Fort? I understand.'' How on EARTH did he figure that out?

At the Amber Fort, the clue was a Roadblock. "In it, one team member had to choose a group of camels and, using a set of traditional tools, load and carry enough food and water to satisfy each of the camels in their group. Once the pile of food reached the designated line and the water spilled through a hole the trough, teams would receive their next clue." Victor grabbed the metal bucket that was to be used for the water to carry the camel feed, but then noticed the baskets and rakes nearby and got the feed stacked before the other teams showed up. They didn’t know what the task was before they volunteered, and Mel ended up doing this rather physical challenge, along with Jaime, Margie, Kisha and Mark. They saw Victor hauling water and everyone grabbed a bucket and followed suit. Mel’s son Mike fretted on the sideline, watching his dad go back and forth, saying "this isn’t a challenge for a 68-year-old." Mel was panting every step of the way. Mike said, "I can’t even watch any more. I know we’ll be here a half-hour after everyone else has gone." Well, Mr. Poopypants, your daddy was pretty smart! He actually read the clue and remembered that it said "use traditional native tools" and saw the huge baskets and rakes for use with the feed, while everyone else used their water buckets. The old man ended up beating all those 20-somethings and Mel & Mike took off to find the next clue. Christie & Jodi, getting there in last place, ended up getting ahead of the stunt guys Mark & Mike, giving themselves hope they could move up a little more. Jaime had to try and get the camel feed out of her shirt, saying "I used my boobies to transport the hay." I’m surprised Kisha didn’t have the same comment, because she stuffed her shirt with the feed and used the bucket to keep it in.

The clue had the teams cabbing it to a puppet store to the next clue box. It was a Detour: Movers or Shakers. "In Movers, teams had to travel to the Sanganeri Gate, where they needed to choose a cycle rickshaw loaded high with barrels. Then, they had to transport the barrels by pedaling one and a half miles through the congested streets of Jaipur to Zorawar Singh Gate, and search through their containers for a small metal elephant that they could exchange for their next clue. In Shakers, teams had to travel to a nearby busy intersection, put on traditional costumes and makeup, and join a Rajasthani dance troupe. Then, they had to go out in the streets and shake their hips for tips. After earning 100 rupees, they would receive their next clue." All the teams except Mark & Mike decide to be Shakers. As the teams got their makeup and costumes on, and Mark & Mike bicycled to their destination, Christie & Jodi got their Speed Bump, where they had to go and paint an elephant’s face for a festival. Watching Mark & Mike having trouble finding the little elephant in all that hay made me think they may actually have a shot at getting there ahead of at least one other team. All the "Shakers" seemed to have fun gathering rupees (although some of the dancing wasn’t even worth a half-rupee, if you ask me!) Luke had to watch Margie dance to get the rhythm, not being able to hear the music - and Margie was fun to watch, considering she had lipstick all over her teeth and is lucky the locals didn’t run screaming from her instead.

As Jaime & Cara finished their dance and turned in their money, they looked for their cab driver who had seemingly disappeared. Jaime started screaming to anyone who would listen, saying "he left with our bags! Did he steal our bags? Where did he go? Sightseeing? For a cup of coffee?" It was interesting that when Margie & Luke stopped to find out what was going on, and Jaime screamed to them, Luke told his mom "Let’s go." I guess she was yelling enough to give a deaf guy a headache. It turned out that they arrived at the Pit Stop with Kisha & Jen and Margie & Luke and lost to both teams in a foot race.

Arriving at the Mat, a gentleman was standing with Phil with two small flutes, and playing them with his nose. At least he didn’t have a cold, for chrissakes! How gross is that and why on earth do Indians play flutes with their noses???! Ewwww!

So, the teams ended up this way:
1 - Tammy & Victor
2 - Mel & Mike
3 - Kisha & Jen
4 - Margie & Luke
5 - Cara & Jaime
6 - Mark & Michael
7 - Christie & Jodi (eliminated)

So, folks, do you think Jaime will end up with a meltdown somewhere? On which leg do you think Mel will finally have a coronary? Is Victor’s happy-go-lucky attitude irritating you yet? And are you going to scour the Yellow Pages for someone to teach you to play the flute with your nose? Let’s talk!

Damn but it's cold! (Forgot my thermal underwear!)

Okay folks, better late than never … I had to scoot out of town last week Monday because my daughter in NY had baby Hayley Jane a bit earlier than expected. Mom & Baby are doing very well but of course, I’ve been busy playing Grandma.

The teams left the Pit Stop with directions to take the Trans-Siberian railroad to the city of Novosibirsk and race to the Puknte Technicheskovo Kontrolya for their clue. The Blondies Christie & Jodi were hoping to go somewhere warmer, but Christie didn’t have much hope, saying “any city with that many consonants in it isn’t warm.” Kisha & Jen left shortly after and thought about catching up to the Blondes but wondered “How do we know they’re going the right way?” They did end up walking together to the train station, complaining about the cold all the way. The one and only train to Novosibirsk left at 10:26 PM, meaning all the teams caught up at the train station. Mike mentioned that “the first will be last and the last will be first” prompting his preacher father Mel to say “he’s quoting the Bible! Praise the Lord!”

Everyone was happy that they got sleeper berths on the train – although Kisha did note that her feet hung off the end of the bed and they were bunk-style. “I better not sit up fast in the middle of the night or it’s all over” because there wasn’t much head room. Mike was telling Margie & Luke that he didn’t sleep well and Luke made motions as if he were crying. Mike told him “you’re going to create a whole new archetype, the sinister deaf kid.” He also remembered that they U-Turned the fast Amanda & Kris and said “I’ll just walk around limping so you don’t U-Turn us.” (Of course, it was never clarified whether Luke was being sarcastic or whether Mike just took it that way …. Although I’d go with sarcastic. Luke has a mean streak in there!)

Kisha & Jen were the first off the train but headed off in the opposite direction from the other teams and ended up being the last to grab a taxi. Cara & Jamie again teamed up with Margie & Luke and got to the clue box first, finding a Detour – Russian Bride or Russian Snowplow. “In Russian Bride, teams had to drive a car with four-speed manual transmission, known as a Lada, to a large Soviet-era apartment complex and search for one of the waiting brides. Once found, teams drive the bride across town to a church where her groom awaited. When the photographer snapped their wedding picture, the groom would hand teams their next clue. In Russian Snowplow, teams drove a Lada downtown to Stadium Spartak where they would each take a turn operating a cumbersome snowplow through a training course.”

Cara & Jamie and Margie & Luke decided to operate the snowplows when Tammy & Victor pulled up and asked which one they were doing. They all decided to stick together and find the location until a stop at a gas station for directions. Victor asked a cab driver and got directions while the Redheads asked the gas station attendant, who wasn’t very helpful – and deciding not to wait, Tammy & Victor took off. To their credit, Tammy said “we don’t have any alliances with other teams, but when we can work together we try to.” (And then say "screw you" and take off!) Margie & Luke see them take off and follow after them, hoping the Redheads were able to catch up. Tammy & Victor had to stop once again for directions and Margie & Luke caught up, but when Victor saw a local giving Margie directions to go straight, he called Tammy back to the car and they took off ahead again. The light dawned on Margie & Luke that they couldn’t really be trusted, and Luke said “Game on.” It turned out to be bad for Tammy & Victor because they got caught in traffic and ended up in a lane that wasn’t moving, allowing Cara & Jamie and Margie & Luke to beat them to the snowplows. The bad luck didn’t hold out though, because while the other teams were going to the wrong snowplows, Victor grabbed a correct one and got moving first. The team member not driving was told to hold a tiny paddle and direct the driver. (I wouldn’t have gotten in front of this massive machine coming at me, that’s for sure! Talk about trust!) Luke was gesturing wildly to Margie to get her to stay on the course and turn (not like those things turned very quickly either).

In the meantime, Mel & Mike and Christie & Jodi decided to look for brides. Christie & Jodi had problems finding the bride building so the Blondies asked directions of some locals and ended up with a bunch of drunken men who wanted to give them more than directions. The girls complained that “they smelled of vodka and had bad teeth.” Christie said that “one of them touched my butt and asked my name.” (Again, look at the Russian women. Why should she be surprised?) They ended up paying a cab driver to follow him and went to the wrong church. Their bride had no gloves or hat and just a small poncho-like coat over her gown, and the poor girl looked frozen by the time they got back in the car to find the right church. Christie mentioned that they would make lousy wedding planners, and that their bride was “freezing her ass off.” All of the brides driven by the teams looked a bit scared of their drivers (everyone had problems finding the church).

Mark & Michael, the stuntbrothers, decided that looking for brides was “too complicated, I don’t need to go looking for another bride” and opted for the machinery, blasting through the task with no problems. Kisha & Jen were getting farther behind because although they found their bride quickly, Jen had major problems driving the four-speed and kept stalling the car in intersections.

As everyone got done and got their next clue, it was hysterical to hear them try and pronounce it. I will not even try to spell it myself, this is copied from the CBS website: “they needed to drive to Gosudarstvennaya Publichnaya Nauchnaya Tekhnicheskaya Biblioteka, the largest library in Siberia.” (I’ll keep good ol’ USA style – “Public Library”).

Once at the library clue box, they found a Roadblock. “One team member had to partner with two local runners, and first warm up for a mandatory ten-minute period. Then, they had to participate in a winter run the way only the bravest locals do—in their underwear. With their Siberian partners, they had to run approximately 1.4 miles to the Novosibirsk Ballet and Opera Theater where their teammate who traveled there separately would be waiting for them. The reunited team would then go into the theater to find the Pit Stop for this leg of the race.” (The producers better have some really airtight papers for these people to sign – first bungee jumping off a dam, and now they have to run over a mile in their underwear at about 27 degrees???!!!! No freaking way!!) Luke was in great shape and aside from his embarrassment of running in his underwear – he said “I didn’t look at anyone so they wouldn’t look at me” – he sailed through the run and met his Mom at the Opera Theater to end up in first place. Cara ran off ahead of Tammy, but the run and the cold got to her and she had to walk which allowed Tammy to get ahead and second place for her and Victor. Mike offered to do the task and wasn’t thrilled with running in his underwear, although Mel definitely wouldn’t have made it between his groin and – well, I wouldn’t want to see him in his underwear!!!! Mike was sorry he wore his boots - his feet must have been in pain at the end of the run. The Blondies were having trouble again finding their destination but decided that they would stay calm because “it’s counterproductive to yell at each other.” (There is a definite lack of teams yelling at each other this season. Tammy could have gotten going really well with Victor but was the nice little sister … she said she was “going to be mean” if she had to but I think she’s gonna stick to being a wuss.) Mark the stuntguy ran the course and bragged how his Russian runners had to keep up with him. He did run very impressively, then blew it when they entered the Theater and went wandering around looking for Phil. Phil snapped his fingers (no help) and then whistled at the guys who finally noticed where they were supposed to be. Jen & Kisha had no problem with the task but Jen said “I had to put on underwear to run.” Christie ran the course with a blur on her butt because of her thong underwear, and Jodi had to get some medical attention because she slammed her finger in the car door. (With all the lecherous drunks in Siberia, Christie is lucky she finished the race instead of being carted off to some hovel somewhere!) In the end, the physically fit sisters Jen & Kisha beat out the Blondies to the finish. Luckily for Christie & Jodi, Phil told them it was a non-elimination leg and they would have to deal with a speed bump during the next leg. Christie was happy that “I didn’t have to run naked for nothing.”

So here’s how they finished:
1- Margie & Luke
2- Tammy & Victor
3- Cara & Jaime
4- Mel & Mike
5- Mark & Michael
6- Kisha & Jen
7- Christie & Jodi – not eliminated!

So! Will the Blondes be able to make up the time or are they goners? Can everyone stay happy and cooperative with each other or will Victor give Tammy a reason to kick his ass?

Deaf Guys Don't Finish Last - If They Can Help It!

Well, well. A bit of nastiness last night and one of the stronger teams, Amanda & Kris, are gone. I was thinking that the "Blind U-Turn" wasn’t all that - with teams not being able to know who U-Turned them, there wouldn’t be any resentment. But! Seeing Amanda & Kris thinking that Kisha & Jen or Christie & Jodi were the perpetrators (they weren’t) made me realize that it could create a whole lot more obnoxiousness between the teams. The U-Turned team wouldn’t necessarily believe their suspects when the suspects denied involvement ... and you’ve got all kinds of revenge scenarios to imagine! Besides, who would think the loveable deaf guy could be that evil? Well, after last night, we see the other side of Luke!

The teams left from their Pit Stop in Romania/Transylvania cottage - was it just me or did that place look awfully small for 8 teams? Mike called his father ''part Woody Allen, part Billy Graham, and a splash of Judy Garland.'' (Sorry, that really scares me. Really.) They were to fly to Siberia, and then take a taxi to a famous dam for their next clue. (Another bungee jump, perhaps?) Getting their first clues, the teams showed that while they may be athletic and able to organize flights, they were no scholars - or even C-students. Kisha said all she knew about Siberia was that "they have Siberian tigers" and Mark & Michael couldn’t even pronounce Siberia. (Look, I get that some of the city names are impossible to figure out. But "Siberia?" Gimme a break!) Then, Christie & Jodi, who at times make you forget they are blonde, get to the dam and see a drawing of Lenin on a wall and don’t know who it is - Christie figured it was "the guy who built the dam," and Jodi said he was "a bad dictator dude." (*rolling eyes*)

Mark & Michael borrowed their cabbie’s phone to call the airport, and I guess he dialed it as he gave it to them, because at the same time Cara & Jamie were borrowing their cabbie’s phone, and it rang. Cara (Jamie? Haven’t figured out which is which yet, sorry) answered, realized it was one of the teams asking if this was Lufthansa Airways, and played along, trying not to bust out laughing. Mark thought it was odd that the "agent" on the phone sounded very American but kept trying to get a reservation, and Cara told him that there were only business seats available on the only flight to Moscow before she hung up on him.

All the teams left at pretty much the same time on their way to the connecting flight in Moscow on a variety of flights. Only one flight made it in time to connect with the Siberian plane, and Kisha & Jen, Christie & Jodi, and Mark & Michael were the three lucky teams that made that plane. The clue gave them a Detour - Stack or Construct. Stack had the teams stacking a full cord of firewood; Construct had them going to a shop, building some shutters, then going through the neighborhood looking for the house with a sign saying "needs repairs" so they could install the shutters. All three teams decided to go for Stack and were greeted by a group of locals, sitting and watching, playing music and singing, and - oh, yeah - drinking. Lots. (This seems to be a theme with this year’s show - we Americans may be shown to be dumb, but so far all the locals in the various countries are a bunch of drunks. They sit around, drink, and laugh - "Look at those funny Americans!")

As the stacks started to go up, the girl teams talked a good game - all about "girl power" (but thankfully no whining about their manicures being ruined). There was another theme for the night - there was a lot of smack from all the girl teams about how they could stack wood "without a man to help" and how ''Pretty powerful beavers made that dam. They must be females!'' Yeah, yeah, you go girls. Mark & Michael finally found the Stack site and it hit me that the stacks were about twice their height - would they be supplied with step stools to finish the task? It turns out that it was a moot point, because their stack collapsed into the sample stack behind it, and they were told they would have to fix them both to finish the task - so they decided to go construct. (In the meantime, the girls stacked away, watched by the rowdy locals who have now added eating pickles to their vodka and laughter. I think the producers discovered last season that it was fun to watch locals rolling in laughter at the Americans trying to manage the "local custom" tasks - remember our Frat Guys marching?) Kisha & Jen finished their stack first, followed shortly by Christie & Jodi - and as the big Russian dude was giving Jodi the clue, he told her "you cute girl - the best" and scooped her up in a bear hug. (He was probably just checking what a woman smelled like without vodka dripping from her pores.)

Mark & Michael decided to scoop up the parts for their shutters and construct them at the house where they were to install them rather than try and drag them through the streets fully constructed. Moot again, because they wandered around the village and didn’t see the signs at the houses, so they went back to the workshop where a local sat (so no one would steal the wood? To keep kids away? He looked like a child molester! That was one dour-looking, scary dude!) and started constructing their shutters. In the meantime, the other teams had arrived and all decided to Stack. All was going well (even with Cara & Jamie snarking about how Amanda was barking orders and Kris was doing all the work) when Mel & Mike, Amanda & Kris and Cara & Jamie watched their stacks go falling down. Cara & Jamie decided to give it another go while Mel & Mike and Amanda & Kris decided to switch and go Construct.

Kisha & Jen and the Blondies, meanwhile, get to the next clue box where they find the Blind U-Turn. They could force one team to go back and do the other Detour task, but unlike other seasons, would not have to reveal that it was they who U-Turned the team. Neither team decided to use it, feeling comfortably ahead enough. Margie & Luke got to the U-Turn and decided to help out their alliance of Cara & Jamie and U-Turn Amanda & Kris. Luke seemed to take some evil pride in doing so - he’s not doing much for his image, that man will never get a girlfriend after this! (Even though - it’s there. Why not use it? Amanda & Kris have shown themselves to be a strong team. The teams are there to win a MILLION DOLLARS, not make friends and impress people!) Tammy and Victor finished their stacking, chalking it up to "Asian engineering," and were off to the next task as well.

The clue told them to go to a Russian amusement park (for those who don’t drink enough vodka to be amused in that cold, gray city). They were to ride a single-car roller coaster and finish the course in 4 minutes or less, spotting letters along the way that were tacked to trees. Getting all the correct letters, they would then unscramble them to spell the name of a Russian playwright. Kisha had to make two runs after missing the "V" but she and Christie were pretty much neck-and-neck trying to figure out the name. Both were totally clueless (and while I wouldn’t have known it instantly, I would think after looking at the letters that "Chekhov" would have come pretty easily.) It seemed a little strange that after all that complaining about "not knowing nothing about no Russians" they both came up with the name on the first try.

Mel & Mike run into Mark & Michael near the workshop, where the stuntmen told Mel & Mike that they couldn’t find the house to install the shutters. Mel & Mike ask if they want to work together, first constructing the shutters, then looking for the houses together. (I did notice that the town was deserted - obviously no one wanted to live in a town of ugly, run-down houses unless they had brightly painted new shutters on them! There was a menacing dog that seemed to think that the short stuntmen looked like a good snack, though.) One of the team members says "it’s like we’re a caravan of idiots" which was proven when they couldn’t find the house - again - even though it was ten feet away and could have fallen over on them with a stiff wind.
Luke took five tries to get "Chekhov," getting more and more frustrated. Amanda likewise had major trouble, while Victor kept the Asians-are-really-smart stereotype alive and nailed it immediately. Jamie "took a stab" at the name and managed to get it right on the first try. Amanda & Kris finished Constructing and got to the U-Turn, blaming it on the Blondies or Kisha & Jen, but totally letting Margie & Luke off the hook, saying that "Margie & Luke probably feel so bad for us." My, my, the deaf guy gets a pass, after all, deafness takes out the evil gene, too!
All the teams get to Phil at the Mat except Mark & Michael and Amanda & Kris - and I was thinking that Amanda & Kris were too far back to make it - until Mark & Michael get to the Pit Stop location and an $8000 ruble cab fare with only $5000 on them. Trying to figure out what to do, they offer the cabbie their watches - until the cabbie shows them his Rolex. They tried offering their jackets (and the cabbie looked too old to have kids at the age to fit in the jackets) but no go. I’m surprised the cabbie doesn’t expect their camera crews to kick in (after all, they’re in the cab too - don’t they charge extra for extra riders? With cameras and microphones?) but he finally lets them go and they beat Amanda & Kris to the Mat. Amanda & Kris are disappointed but say that they are "closer than ever" and express undying love for each other. They did work well together and seem very compatible, so good luck kids!

Here’s the order of the finish:
1 - Christie & Jodi
2 - Kisha & Jen
3 - Tammy & Victor
4 - Margie & Luke
5 - Cara & Jamie
6 - Mel & Mike
7 - Mark & Michael
8 - Amanda & Kris - eliminated

So would you have used the U-Turn or are Margie & Luke evil and nasty? Bummed that Amanda & Kris are gone? With yet another different team coming in first, is there a sure winner? Let's talk!

Amazing Race 14, Episode 3: Gypsies and Vampires and Fog, oh my!

I think we’ve got a good field in this Race - 3 legs, 3 different winners to the Mat. This could get quite interesting with all the shuffling going on - who will actually win this thing? Tammy & Victor seemed invincible but between the previews and her comments at the beginning of the show - "Victor is really smart, he just doesn’t want to be wrong" - gave me the idea they were human, too. And boy, did they prove it! Unfortunately, Brad & Victoria took a chance on a flight and it ended up biting them in the ass, and they ended up too far behind to catch up (even though Tammy & Victor did their best to screw everything up) and they’re out of the Race.

The teams’ clue at the Pit Stop directed them to take a train to Munich and fly to Bucharest, Rumania. We got a little clue of Tammy’s frustration with Victor calling all the shots when he decided they should stop and get airline tickets before boarding the train (her face seems to get tenser and tenser. I think it's gonna screw itself into her nostrils before long). There was a 3:20 flight that was full, so they took tickets on the next flight leaving at 4:45 p.m. It looked like their luck was cruising when they got to the train station and boarded a train immediately leaving for Munich - and getting to the airport, found out that two seats opened up on the 3:00 flight. Unfortunately, too much good luck is a bad thing, I guess!

Luke signed in a side interview that he wished he didn’t have to rely on his mom to communicate with other teams. Brad admits he was a drug user and alcoholic but has been clean for 25 years. (I understand the "once an alcoholic always an alcoholic," but c’mon, it’s been 25 years! I think he can consider himself a regular old guy now).

Amanda &Kris and Brad & Victoria cozied up to some locals on the train and got information on the flights to Bucharest. They were urged by the local to purchase tickets on the 9:30 p.m. flight as opposed to the 4:45 p.m. flight because they would only have 30 minutes to board by the time they got to the airport. Kris & Amanda decided they would purchase their tickets at the airport because "we’re really fast" while Brad & Victoria waited to get tickets at the airport as well, figuring they had until at least 9:30 p.m. to find a better deal. Poking around, they found a flight leaving Munich for Amsterdam at 7:30 p.m. and from Amsterdam to Bucharest which would land earlier than the 9:30 flight. Even though their plane was delayed taking off from Munich (cutting it close for the connection in Amsterdam), they decided to take the chance. BAD idea - they spent the night in Amsterdam. Their connecting flight had taken off by the time they got there, and it was foggy and all flights leaving Amsterdam were canceled until the morning. Live by taking chances, die by the fog!

Tammy & Victor’s luck started running out as the pilot announced that they had to return to the Munich airport because of engine trouble. They realized they would have time to board the 4:45 flight IF they got back quick enough, and they did - except they had to sit on the tarmac for a bit and watched the flight take off with Amanda & Kris, Mel & Mike and Margie & Luke. They joined the rest of the teams on the 9:30 flight that evening.

Once in Bucharest, the teams taxied to the Sala Gymnastica, where Nadia Comaneci trained. It was pretty late and I figured this would be a "catch-up" place, not opening until 7 or 8 in the morning - but they were open! (No wonder they win so many medals - there were kids in there practicing at night!) The clue offered a Road Block, in which one of the teams had to do a routine on the balance beam, parallel bars and a floor exercise to get their clue. Luke told his Mom that she had to do the challenge, saying "I’m not wearing a girl’s leotard." Amanda breezed through the task while Margie had problems with the balance beam. (I wonder what would have happened if someone slipped on that thing and cracked their back? I realize they sign waivers the size of a phone book, but still.....) Mike also had no problems although he looked ridiculous in a leotard (which looked like a guy’s version, so Luke wouldn’t have had to worry. Wonder if they had jock straps for the guys? And couldn’t they have come up with another color than white - some of the contestants had some colorful underwear to show off under their leotards!) Huffing and puffing afterward (even though the routines seemed not to be a big deal) Mike said "I want a freakin’ medal."

Tammy & Victor get to the gymnasium area but Victor has them walking off in another direction (signs of things to come) and they end up behind the other teams, who are breezing through the tasks. Kisha & Jen decide that Kisha should do the challenge and she zips through it as well, although saying "I’m gonna stick to basketball." Tammy says she can do the routines, but tells us her mind wasn’t in it: "I saw how far behind we were and got stressed, thinking about how to get out of here rather than what I was supposed to be doing." The balance beam was a mess, and at the parallel bars she was confused with Victor calling out instructions (big help there, big brother). When she got to the floor exercises and had to do a cartwheel, she told everyone she didn’t know how. (I’m sorry, but what female doesn’t at least know how to do a cartwheel - even if she can’t physically do it?) They even let her forget the cartwheel and do a somersault, which she still had problems with.

Tammy apologized, and Victor tried to help, saying "your brain just froze." At that remark, Tammy looked like she could have shot Victor in his tracks right there. She mentioned in a side interview that she feels as if Victor is "accommodating for me" because she is weak. Well, honey, get your backbone and prove otherwise!

Meanwhile, in Amsterdam, Brad & Victoria are just leaving. Victoria figures if at least one other team has as "screwed up a time as us, we’ll have a chance." Well, that may well be.......

All the other teams were already on a train to Transylvania to then grab a taxi to a place known as the "Black Church." Cara & Jaime used the time to get to know Margie & Luke a bit better, saying that they liked Luke and they think he appreciates their efforts to communicate with him. Their clue at the church was a Detour: Gypsy Moves or Vampire Remains. In Gypsy Moves, teams had to travel to a gypsy settlement where they needed to load all of a family’s belongings onto a horse-drawn cart. Then, they had to navigate the cart to the family’s new encampment where they had to unload the belongings. In Vampire Remains, teams had to travel to nearby woods, drag a coffin down a hill to a clearing, unlock and untangle a series of chains surrounding the coffin, and open it to reveal a set of antique picture frames. Then, in the spirit of Vlad the Impaler, who inspired Bram Stoker’s famous vampire Dracula, teams had to impale the picture frames on a wooden stake searching for a hidden flag to exchange for their next clue.

Kris & Amanda and Mel & Mike take off to move the Gypsies. Jaime & Cara and Margie & Luke decide to go play with coffins. Jamie & Cara show they have no patience at all when their cab driver has to stop repeatedly for directions. They made it to the site after Tammy & Victor - but Victor spotted some red and white markings on trees and decided those were the markers to follow. As they trudged up the hill, Tammy kept telling Victor that she thought the markers were wrong (they were red and white as opposed to yellow and red), but Victor said it would be "a mistake if we turned around now." Tammy got more and more frustrated, yelling "Why do we always have to follow your gut instead of mine?" They continued to tromp up the mountain allowing Margie & Luke, Jaime & Cara and Christie & Jodi to complete the challenge and take off. Victor finally allowed Tammy to help make the decision on what to do and she looked at him in total disbelief - "I can make the decision now that we’ve walked up the whole mountain?" She decided they were going to go back down to where they started. Once there, they spotted the proper yellow and red arrows - and at that point, Tammy should have designed her strategy to put Victor in one of the coffins. Borrowing from another blog: Had she slammed his face against every single red and white sign they passed on the way back down, she would have been well within her rights.

But was that it for the brother and sister? Oh, no, they had more bad luck coming. When they got their coffin down and checked the locks and keys on it, they realized one of the keys that was on the coffin had come off as they drug it down the hill. They would have to search the side of the hill in the grass and dead leaves to find the key. (At this point I’m figuring Brad & Victoria are a lock to make it in time). Amazingly, Victor found the key. The boxes inside the coffins held more than a flag surprise - they all had "blood" in them that spurted when they impaled them on the stakes.

At the Gypsy site, Kris & Amanda and Mel & Mike found out they’d have to pack a wagon with an old car body, huge tires and some barrels, among other things. (And if that’s what Gypsies cart around from home place to home place, someone needs to teach them what they really need - like, oh, I dunno, towels!) Kris & Amanda got their wagon loaded up quickly but had to slow down as the stuff started falling off as they bumped down the road. Considering Mel is an old guy with a bad groin, he and Mike did pretty well and stayed right behind Kris & Amanda. The father and son team ended up out of the task ahead of Kris & Amanda when Kris realized their fanny pack with their passports and money had been left somewhere and had to frantically scour the area for it. (Okay. I understand not doing the tasks with your backpack on, but how big is a FANNY PACK, for pity’s sake? You can’t lug a tire with a fanny pack on? Jeeze! Not to mention, Gypsies are known in lore as thieves - so yeah, leave a parcel with money laying around. And please, don’t send me nasty emails that I’m being racist against Gypsies. It’s old lore thievery I’m talking about, not that modern-day Gypsies are thieves.) This allowed Mel & Mike to get ahead and end up on the Mat at Villa Panoramic in first place (winning a trip to Costa Rica in the process).

Amanda & Kris made it to the mat in second place. Mark & Mike got to the location just after Blondies Christie & Jodi but the short guys raced them to the Mat and won. (So much for thinking short legs can't get you anywhere...) Tammy & Victor managed to get through the rest of the day without self-imploding and got to the Mat before Brad & Victoria, who showed up late at night, covered in "blood" and finding out they were eliminated.

Here’s the order of finish:
1 - Mel & Mike
2 - Amanda & Kris
3 - Kisha & Jen
4 - Margie & Luke
5 - Mark & Michael
6 - Christie & Jodi
7 - Jamie & Cara
8 - Tammy & Victor
9 - Brad & Victoria

So will Victor be allowed to live for the next leg of the Race? If you were in Tammy’s shoes, would you let him? Who do you think seems strongest right now? Have you chosen your winners yet? Can the Blondies stay out of last place two weeks in a row? We’ll see next week!