Mistakes Abound! Don't Forget Your Coconuts!

Wow, just .... wow. It seems that some of the teams were trying their hardest to see who could screw up the most! This time, they read the clues, but their execution was lacking:

Michael & Louie leave first from the Pit Stop but big deal, all the teams will be on the same flight. They will fly to an island called Mahe in the Seychelles in the Indian Ocean, and because the islands are so remote, flights are scarce. Once there, teams will have to find a kiosk with a clue box and numbers. Michael & Louie talk about not making mistakes and paying attention - which probably means that they’re going to make a huge mistake. Jet & Cord laugh about not knowing where they’re going, “but we’ll find it” and check a map to find out it’s an island. Cord quips that “it’s lucky we’re not driving.” At the airport, the Cowboys and Detectives decide to get a bite to eat before the flight and while they’re in the restaurant, the other teams get checked in and get seating assignments, with Brent & Caite getting row 7 seats, Steve & Allie getting row 10, and Dan & Jordan scoring some row 15 seats. Carol & Brandy don’t ask for seats close to the front of the plane, and it’s obvious that the Detectives & Cowboys didn’t either, because the close-to-the-front teams get to the kiosk first and get the first three numbers. The clue tells them that the first three teams will get to leave on helicopters one hour before the 4, 5 and 6 teams to the island of La Digue, where they will find their next clue. Brent & Caite are first with Steve & Allie and Dan & Jordan rounding out the top three. The view is breathtaking! Dan & Jordan get up close and personal with a rainbow during their flight. Caite keeps up her vendetta against Carol & Brandy, saying she “just wants to get those mean lesbians out.”

Brent & Caite land and get their clue, which is a Detour: Ox Trot or Turtle Toddle. In Ox Trot, teams will have to take an ox cart to an area with piles of coconuts, and fill the cart with a pile. Phil says “without losing any cargo.” (Uh oh! Someone is going to miss a few coconuts!) They will then get hooked up with an ox, and they must ride the cart and guide the ox to the harbor area and a fruit vendor to get their next clue. For Turtle Toddle, teams will use a banana to lure a 100-year-old turtle across a marked area of the lawn. They must then grab a bunch of bananas and deliver them on foot to the fruit vendor, which is 1½ miles away.

Brent & Caite head off to Ox Trot, while Steve & Allie decide to do the Turtle Toddle. Dan & Jordan run off for the Ox challenge as well. And here it is .... Caite throws some coconuts in the cart and one bounces out onto the ground. We see multiple shots of that lone coconut sitting on the grass with menacing music. As they drive their ox down the road, Brent & Caite argue, calling each other “dummy” and “frickin’ idiot.” (And I agree, wholeheartedly!) In the meantime, Steve & Allie find a pretty quick turtle, as turtles go, grab their bananas and head off to the fruit vendor, leaving their backpacks behind. They pass Brent & Caite on the road, who are trying to get their ox to move and the ox looks like he’d like to pound them both. Dan & Jordan are loading their cart and paying attention, making sure all their coconuts stay in the cart. They jump on the cart, ready to take off, and the ox decides it’s time to take a dump, which annoys Jordan to no end. The ox takes off and almost runs and the brothers decide to name the ox “Box” in honor of their father, who owns a packaging company making boxes for a living.

The second set of helicopters land and Carol & Brandy take off to the Turtle Toddle, finding a turtle who doesn’t seem real interested in a banana, or moving, or anything. Michael & Louie and Jet & Cord work hard filling their carts with coconuts.

Steve & Allie have delivered their bananas and get their clue, telling them to swim to a marked schooner which will take them to St. Pierre Island, where they will get their next clue. They get to the boat as we see Dan & Jordan pass Brent & Caite on the road. Jordan looks at the back of the ox and says “ooh, ooh, that’s a wet one, don’t swing your tail.” (He really cracks me up sometimes). Brent & Caite show up right after Dan & Jordan get their clue, but the clue-giver tells them that they don’t have enough coconuts in their cart. No matter how they protest, they’re not getting a clue. Out on the boat, Steve & Allie see Dan & Jordan reach the beach and both have their backpacks, and they’re hit with a sudden panic attack. Steve says they have their small pack with their money and passports, but Allie “can’t go on” without her backpack. Steve asks her if she wants to go back for it. Brent & Caite are at the fruit vendor, where Brent is having a hissy fit worthy of any snotty female, saying “I quit. I quit, whatever.” He doesn’t want to drive the ox cart back to pick up the dropped coconut.

On the boat, Allie is going to miss her makeup, hair brush and extra clothes. Steve tells her she doesn’t know how pretty she is and doesn’t need makeup. (He’s trying to not go back for the backpacks, but it’s a nice thing to say anyway). Neither of them are wearing shoes on the boat, I’m assuming they have those with them because while I suppose you can live without a change of clothes, you cannot run the Amazing Race without shoes!!! Allie finally lets go of the backpack notion and says “it’ll make us faster, that’s for sure.” Dan & Jordan get to the boat and take off, noting how beautiful the scenery is.

Brent & Caite quit whining and jump back on the ox cart to go back and get the coconut. Michael & Louie get their cart filled and take off (with one coconut looking like it’s ready to fall out of the side - will that end up making a difference?) Carol & Brandy get their turtle moving but it takes off in the wrong direction because they’re too afraid to get close enough to the turtle’s face to let him smell the banana.

Out in the water, Allie spots a small buoy with a Race flag on it and they stop for the clue. Phil tells us that the waters there are known for shipwrecks and treasure hunters are always looking for buried treasure. One team member will have to go underwater and search for a submerged case with seven bottles. They will untie one bottle and bring it to the surface. Back on the shore, they will then work together to assemble a map and follow the map to - the Pit Stop! Steve doesn’t even use the supplied goggles or flippers to dive in and find the bottle. As they leave, Dan & Jordan show up and Jordan decides to try the task. It takes Jordan three dives to get the bottle up to the surface, showing me that Steve may be older, but old guys rule sometimes!

Michael & Louie cross paths with Brent & Caite and find out the dating couple have to go back for a coconut they missed. Michael hopes they didn’t drop any on the way. Once they get back, Brent & Caite find the one coconut they left behind. Carol & Brandy give up on their turtle, who refuses to go in the proper direction, and run off to the Ox Trot and start filling a cart as Jet & Cord leave with their full (or so they think) cart. They left one behind. (This after seeing Brent & Caite come back for the one they missed, and talking about how they need to make sure they have all their coconuts! I really thought the Cowboys were smarter than this....tsk, tsk). Carol & Brandy realize they are in last place and hustle loading the coconuts, but Brandy ends up tossing a coconut and hitting Carol. Steve & Allie swim to the shore, expecting to see Phil but having to empty their bottle and put its contents together first, giving them a map to the Mat. They make it to the Mat and Phil looks amused when they tell him they have no backpacks or clothes. Dan & Jordan get to the Mat in second place.

Michael & Louie get to the fruit vendor and get their clue. Brent & Caite are plodding down the road, saying that they’re still ahead of the Cowboys - until the Cowboys come and pass them up. Somehow Brent & Caite manage to pass up Jet & Cord again, get to the vendor and get their clue. Unfortunately, Jet & Cord are told they don’t have enough coconuts and have to go back. Cord wanted to “grab him by the collar and tell him that we did have enough, but that’s probably against the rules.” Carol & Brandy take off, leaving a coconut behind as well. (I’m finally getting to the realization that in the Amazing Race, the things that sink teams are not the big mistakes, but the little ones. How hard would it be to look back as you drive away at 3 MPH in an ox cart, and check to make sure there are no coconuts left behind?)

Brent & Caite are on the boat where Caite says she’s happy they got wet, “I was feeling kinda dirty.” They’re on Michael & Louie’s tail, and the Detectives’ boat is sputtering and allowing them to catch up. Carol & Brandy get to the fruit vendor and are told they didn’t load all their coconuts. Talk about highs and lows - Brent & Caite thought they were doing great, then were worried about screwing up and falling too far behind, then realized they were still in a good spot. Carol & Brandy, knowing they were in last place, see the Cowboys going back and rejoice that they’ve got a shot - until they’re told they have to go back. The Cowboys are bummed that they are in last place, until they’ll see Carol & Brandy coming back. OH! The emotional turmoil this Race causes!!

As Carol & Brandy go back, Carol tells Brandy that some coconuts must have fallen out as Brandy was tossing them over the cart, basically blaming Brandy and setting Brandy off. Bicker, bicker, “oh, it’s my fault?” Brent & Caite reach the buoy and Caite asks Brent what it is, and he says “a dingy.” Brent grabs it on the first try, and the Detectives pull up and see them leaving. Michael dives in, gets the bottle, and drops it over the side of the boat getting back in, breaking it. They wisely don’t mess with its contents, saying they will check it out when they get to shore. No penalties for them! Jet & Cord see Carol & Brandy coming back and realize there’s still hope. They get their clue and head to the beach and start stripping, and we see some really cute gray knee socks on Jet. There’s a little banter about not swimming in jeans but that their suits are a happy medium between jeans and Speedos. (Okay, guys, you’re fit, but let’s not get carried away!)

Louie is having problems swimming back to the shore, but get there shortly after Brent & Caite. Brent & Caite have put their map together and tell the Detectives that they can all go together, thinking that they’d rather keep the Detectives and get rid of “some other teams.” (Read: Carol & Brandy). As they get to the Mat, Phil laughs and tells Louie “By the end of this Race, you may be thin.” Louie shows off his guns, which are pretty impressive, actually. He gets rid of the gut, he’d be a fine specimen! In a surprising continuing conversation, Phil asks Michael & Louie who’d they like to be with at the end of the Race, and they say Brent & Caite. “And who would you like to see gone?” asks Phil - and they say Carol & Brandy, because they’ve got chips on their shoulders and are negative people. “If you want to be negative, go somewhere else.” Brent & Caite chime in, saying that the lesbian couple is “mean and rude” and they’re the team taht should go next. Brent, ever the genius (NOT), says “from what I heard, it’s pretty anonymous. Throughout all the other teams.” Phil has no clue what he just said, but catches on and lets Brent know he should have said “Unanimous.”

Jet & Cord make it to the Mat in fifth place, but when Phil asks them how they knew where the Pit Stop was, they told Phil they just guessed. Phil asked if they didn’t notice something was in the bottle, and the brothers said yes, but it was hard getting it out. They realized that they left the bottle on the boat, and Phil tells them that in order to be checked in, they must retrieve the bottle and bring its contents to shore. (I guess if a team hasn’t screwed something up this leg, it’s just not a Race!) They ran off to swim the 300 yards or so back to the boat as Carol & Brandy’s boat putters close. Carol & Brandy swim to the shore and put their map together, but still can’t find the path to the Mat and wander around a bit. Jet & Cord, since they know where the Mat is, take off in the proper direction, and of course, with proper editing it looks like it’s a footrace to the finish! But Carol & Brandy get there first (with time to spare, it seems). Jet & Cord are told by Phil that they are last, but the next leg of the Race “will be a tough one.” It’s a non-elimination leg this time, but they’ll have a Speed Bump the next leg.

In their interview, Jet & Cord banter about how a champion isn’t the one who’s ridden the most bulls, but the one who gets bucked off and gets back up to try again. Jet tells Cord “you should write a country song.” I like their attitude, as well as Michael & Louie’s. Those two teams seem to be the most together, just working and not blaming each other when stuff goes wrong.

So here is the order of finish:

1 - Steve & Allie
2 - Dan & Jordan
3 - Brent & Caite
4 - Michael & Louie
5 - Carol & Brandy
6 - Jet & Cord - but not eliminated!

The preview for next week’s show looks like our Cowboys are having mega problems. Will they be able to get back on the bull and get it together? Who goes home next? We’ll find out next week!

The Detectives Kick More Butt!

Tonight’s leg of the Race shows us some beautiful French countryside - and how dumb our Racers are. Between not knowing Joan of Arc is a woman and mashing a front bumper, this group of Amazing Race teams make me wonder how they manage to get through a day, let alone a Race!

Louie & Michael depart at 7:47 a.m. and must drive themselves to the city of Reims, France, which was liberated from the Germans by Joan of Arc. They’ll have to find the outdoor Joan of Arc statue and a street musician for their next clue. The clue tells them to “listen to what you saw” which gives them a clue as to the type of musician they’re looking for. As the teams leave they’re complaining about the cold weather. Jet & Cord have no idea where they’re going, so they’re going to “look for a 7-11" to get directions.

Dan & Jordan stop a local asking about the whereabouts of the statue. In a heavily-accented English, she tells them “cathedral” which the brothers translate as “Cathy Drone.” As they drive off, Dan complains that people “don’t speak good English here.” (With all the reports about rude French people, I think they’re lucky to find someone who will speak to them at all, let alone in English!) Louie & Michael go to the Office of Tourism for directions and Steve & Allie find the square and a young woman playing a saw with a violin bow. Sounds like Bela Lugosi should be stepping out from behind her or something. She hands Steve & Allie a cork, which is stamped with Leclerc Briant champagne. Jet & Cord get to the square and decide that “they put statues in squares” and find the statue as Louie & Michael get there. The Cowboys just take off, saying that they passed a city called Champagne, and the Detectives go back to the Tourism office. Dan & Jordan run into them there as they ask about directions. As they drive to the next location, Jordan says “how do you make champagne? Is it just wine and you put club soda in it?” Brent & Caite finally leave and Caite, ever the nuclear physicist, asks Brent if Joan of Arc was the “guy with all the animals.” (Yes, there are some very stupid people on this Race).

At the Leclerc Briant Champagne location, their clue is a Roadblock. “Who is ready to cave in?” The team member must rappel down 100 feet into the cave where they store the champagne. Once down there, they must find a marked bottle of champagne (among the thousands), slice off the cork with a saber, and their next clue will shoot out with the champagne. Jordan decides to do the challenge, saying he’s going to “pee myself.” He needs many assurances from the gentleman buckling him in, as Louie waits his turn. Jordan is crawling among the racks looking for the marked bottle, saying it’s harder than it seems. In the meantime, Jet & Cord stop for directions and find out they’ve gone to the wrong town, about 60 kilometers out of their way.

Jordan finds his bottle and heads up the stairs (no elevator?) to his brother. A winery guy shows them how to cut the cork off and jumps as Jordan hacks the bottle with the saber. The clue tells them to go to Taittinger La Marquetterie for their next clue.

Louie searches the cave for the marked bottle as Steve is lowered down. We then see Brent & Caite in a square (not the right one) and there is a statue with a man and animals, making Caite think she was right anyway. She keeps thinking that Joan of Arc is a man until Brent reminds her they are talking about “Joan.” Louie finds his bottle and Steve is examining the bottles as if the marker will be a pinpoint size. He gets his bottle and they leave as Carol & Brandy get to the winery. Brandy decides to do the task and Carol remarks that “hopefully she’s not in a piss poor mood when she gets done.”

Dan & Jordan stop and ask for help to find their next location and are told that they need to go to Reims again. In the meantime, Michael & Louie are told it is in Pierry, and the locals helping offer to let the Detectives follow them. Carol & Brandy are also told that the location is in Pierry. Jet & Cord finally make it to the winery and realize that there are four teams ahead of them. Asking a local for help, they are told to go to Reims. We find out that the Taittinger La Marquetterie is a chateau in Pierry as the Detectives find the clue box - a Detour: Tower or Terra. In Tower, teams must use 680 champagne glasses and stack them so there is one glass on top, to be filled with champagne. They will then get their clue. For Terra, they must look through a square kilometer for a tiny cluster of grapes marked with Race colors. Once they take the grapes to the foreman, they will get their clue.

Michael & Louie, saying they are “bulls in a China shop” decide to look for the grapes. Dan & Jordan get to the Taittinger in Reims but are told that what they’re looking for is a mansion in Pierry, which is a little village close to Epernay. Brent & Caite get to the winery, Brent rappels down and finds a bottle and they leave before Jordan & Jeff get there. Steve & Allie get to Reims and find out they’re not in the right place either, and to boot, Steve runs into something while parking and mashes up the front bumper of the car. As they drive off they can hear the broken piece rubbing on the tire as they drive, so they stop to try and pull it off. It’s stuck pretty good so instead of pulling it off, Allie gets duct tape out of Steve’s bag and they tape it up. Steve credits his wife with throwing the roll of duct tape in his backpack. Jordan finishes the champagne task, getting the clue and taking a sip of champagne. We see Brent & Caite getting erroneous directions to Reims for the Taittinger.

Michael & Louie use their detective skills to do a grid search in the vineyard, and Michael finds the marked grapes. “If I can find crack in someone’s rear end, I can find grapes in a vineyard.” (Okay?) They must now drive to the next Pit Stop, L’orrca, the administrative building in Champagne, France.

Jet & Cord find out they’ve gone to the wrong place. They interview that people pay thousands to get the tour they’ve had today, and they did it for free, in a Mercedes. Dan & Jordan get to the Detour and decide to try Tower, because they’ve seen “a few champagne towers at bar and bat mitzvahs” in their day.

Phil is standing at the Mat with a mime, who looks rather scary, and is holding a sign saying “welcome.” Michael & Louie find out they are team number one yet again. Carol & Brandy search the vineyard and find the marked grapes. Steve & Allie arrive and decide to search for grapes as well, as Dan & Jordan stack their glasses and Jordan wants to do so to the beat of the chamber music being played. (*rolling eyes*) Brent & Caite see Carol & Brandy asking a cop for directions to the Pit Stop and decide to follow the lesbians, and realize they’re in trouble once they get to the Mat because they didn’t get a Detour clue yet.

Steve & Allie find the marked grapes as Jeff & Jordan get to Reims and find out they’re in the wrong place. Brent & Caite go looking for grapes as Caite complains that Brent always picks what he thinks is the easiest (and this time, at least, he’s right). We see Dan & Jordan struggling to get their glasses piled up 16 layers high and having trouble, as Jet & Cord get to the Detour and decide to look for grapes as well.

Steve & Allie get to the Mat in third, and Steve tells Phil that their car needs looking at - “I hope you’re insured.” Phil looks as if he’ll be telling them the cost of any repairs will come out of their ass. Brent & Caite see the Cowboys find their bunch of grapes and Caite tries to convince Brent to go and stack glasses. They start bickering about whose fault it is that they can’t find the grapes.

Dan & Jordan have finished stacking glasses (their way, with the top four layers having only one glass each) and are given a huge bottle of champagne to pour into the glasses. Dan mutters that he wishes he were taller and gets on a chair to pour the champagne. The brothers are pretty nervous about pouring their champagne and how sturdy their tower is, but manage to get the whole bottle poured and get their clue. They interview how they will be available to build champagne towers but that they will be “very expensive.” They celebrate by drinking a glass of champagne and pronounce it very good. Brent & Caite decide to change to the Tower challenge and get their glasses stacked, still bickering all the way. Brent pours the champagne but about halfway through the bottle, the glasses started falling and they go back to look for grapes. Jeff & Jordan get to the winery and see another car and a team looking in the vineyard, and decide that maybe they couldn’t find the grapes and decide to try the Tower. Jordan says it doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to be “in a pyramid.” Of course, we then see the glasses falling and Jeff & Jordan running out to the vineyard to search for grapes. It gets dark and they’re using flashlights and passing up marked clumps of grapes - but then Jordan finds one and off they go to the Pit Stop. They get to the Mat and Phil tells them they’ve been eliminated.

So here’s the order of finish:

1 - Michael & Louie
2 - Carol & Brandy
3 - Steve & Allie
4 - Jet & Cord
5 - Dan & Jordan
6 - Brent & Caite
7 - Jeff & Jordan (eliminated)

Are the Detectives unbeatable? Can the Cowboys get back their mojo and surge ahead again? The herd is thinning - do you have a favorite for the million?

A U-Turn and Morse Code Sink Joe & Heidi

Please excuse the lateness of the recap – I was on a train to New York state to spend the week with my just-turned-one grandchild (and her parents). I don’t have a laptop (although my TiVo is right next to my desktop at home) and it’s nice to be able to sit in the big recliner with their laptop, and a kitty on my legs, typing as I watch. With my angelic, beautiful granddaughter Hayley sleeping in her room after getting to see her first steps today! (ahhh, life is good.)

The teams begin in Hamburg, Germany but don’t start in Hamburg. Now that I’ve got your attention: (and no, Brent is not wearing his stupid off on me) the Pit Stop was in Hamburg but the teams boarded a bus and were taken to another “unnamed, secret” location to begin the next leg of the Race. Jeff & Jordan are determined not to be last again. Joe & Heidi talk about Joe’s bad knee and state that they’ve done really well even with Joe’s gimpy leg. The Detectives take offense, saying that there are other teams in this competition.

Michael & Louis get to leave first from what they think is France (using their highly honed detective skills they have surmised that they went south and west on the bus). From their “secret location” they are to drive themselves to the city of Ste Menehould and find the Boulangerie Defontaine and purchase a baguette to get their next clue. They stop and ask a postal worker for help with directions which turns out to be a good idea because they were headed the wrong way. Steve & Allie leave second, with Steve saying he feels a lot younger than he is, and Allie says “he’s rocking it!” As Jet & Cord take off from the start, they can’t figure out what a baguette is, but surmise it’s in the pastry family and wonder if they can eat it.

At the bakery, Michael & Louie get their baguette and ask the gentleman if he has a clue for them. Michael is breaking the bread in half as he asks and sees a piece of paper sticking out – their clue. (That would not be my first instinct, to break the bread in half. I would think that I would have to take it to the next location…but then, I guess there wouldn’t be one because I’d be sitting at the bakery waiting for my next clue! Okay, I guess I just wouldn’t cut it on this Race). The paper tells them to go to La Main De Massiges for their next clue. Louie thinks they’ll be getting a massage, but Michael says that would be too easy (you got it, buddy). Brent & Caite leave and ask someone for directions, and talk about how they’re doing things great but keep getting lost – “we think we know where we’re going but we don’t.”

Michael & Louie get to the correct location and find a Detour: In the Trenches or Under Fire. The location they are at was a site of a vicious battle during WWII between the French and the Germans. In the Trenches has them dress in American Doughboy uniforms (hey! That was our school mascot name – Doughboys. I always thought that was really weird and wished we could be tigers or something less dorky sounding) and go through the trenches built to find a communication device. Using a field manual, they must translate a message in Morse Code. For Under Fire, they must crawl in a muddy field under barbed wire to get a message from a French officer. In both tasks, once they get their messages they must attach them to a pigeon and they will get their next clue. Michael & Louie opt for Under Fire.

All the other teams get to the bakery and figure out the clue is in the baguette, and all are appreciative of its good taste. The Cowboys decide they have to step it up because Carol & Brandy were ten minutes behind and they arrive at the same time. Jeff & Jordan are finally leaving and talk about how they are still the team to beat – and then promptly get lost and start bickering about directions. They’re driving around in circles.

Back at the war field, Michael & Louie are watching the planes coming in really close and “bombs” going off and spewing dirt everywhere. Louie is huffing and puffing but happy that Michael is there to motivate him. Steve & Allie and Joe & Heidi show up and decide on Under Fire too. Louie is panting as they get their message and Michael wisely tells him to catch his breath before they go back (or Louie has a stroke). On their way back, Michael & Louie crawl past the two other teams. (Seeing this, I’m wondering if anyone has a possibility of war flashbacks – Steve, or one of the detectives may be old enough. Hopefully their rifles have blanks loaded!!)

Carol & Brandy and Dan & Jordan are going Under Fire as well, with the girls yammering about the uniforms and the hike. Jet & Cord aren’t far behind and decide that they don’t know Morse Code either so they will crawl.

Michael & Louie let their pigeon go and find out they must start walking down the road. They come to a Blind U-Turn, which allows them (if they choose to use it) to U-Turn any team and that team will not know who did it. The U-Turned team will have to go back and complete the other part of the Detour before they are able to move on. They discuss using the U-Turn on either Steve & Allie or Joe & Heidi, and ultimately choose Joe & Heidi because of Joe’s remarks on the bus earlier in the day, how he’s not worried about any teams in the Race. Louie decided Joe “needed to be taken down a peg.” Considering that Joe & Heidi may be the second team to the U-Turn I think they can figure out who did it.

We see Brent & Caite driving up to the battlefield and the planes flying, and Caite gets excited thinking they’ll be flying. (Nothing that cool, dippy girl!) As she gets changed she laughs that it seems as if she’s modeling Army clothes – “old Army clothes.” (Um, ok. WWII IS old!) Jordan and Dan decide that they are going to pretend that “the enemy is chasing us” and jog a little faster. Jordan then gets really tired and can’t keep up, and the brothers end up arguing. Carol & Brandy whine all the way about their uniforms.

Jeff & Jordan get to the bakery and Jeff proves once again what a dipwad he is. He gets the baguette and asks for the clue. Getting none from the shop owner, he re-reads his clue and then asks if the baguette is fresh. (No, you get a stale one. Doofus.) Jeff finally cracks his baguette in half and sees the paper inside. (And it just hit me. The paper clues inside the bread are encased in plastic. How did the plastic not melt when baked inside the bread?) Off Jeff & Jordan go again to get lost.

Joe & Heidi are indeed the second team to the clue down the road with Steve & Allie right behind. They see they’ve been U-Turned and are really bummed (of course). Steve & Allie shout encouragement to Joe & Heidi as they go on ahead. Heidi says she always thought the detectives were nice guys. (They still are, they’re just doing their best to win a million bucks. They did not cheat, but used a perfectly legit tool of the Race. Doesn’t mean they’re not nice, just …. Willing to do whatever it takes to win a million dollars!!!) Getting to the next clue box, Michael & Louie find out they have to change clothes yet again into period Tour de France uniforms and ride a bike through a 4-mile course to the Pit Stop.
Joe & Heidi are attempting to decipher the Morse Code and check to see if it is “Viva le Liberty” and it’s not. Carol is complaining about crawling around in the dirt, saying she never wanted to be a boy, she did not sign up for this, smart people do Morse Code. Caite passes the lesbian couple and it gives her motivation to move faster after the disparaging remarks Brandy & Carol made about Caite being a beauty pageant contestant. We see Steve & Allie riding off on their bikes and Allie has a moustache along with her uniform. Michael & Louie get to the Mat and Phil, and I see that while they both have their own moustaches, they have fake ones on too. Louie tells Phil “I’m gonna die” and is panting like he just might.
Dan & Jordan are leaving the battlefield and Jordan says he hates guns – he likes swords better. (Should I think that means something? Maybe I’m just looking too far into things….) Jet & Cord pass them up on the road saying that they want to get ahead and “I guess they’re happy with their position.” Dan & Jordan look ridiculous in their cycling outfits and moustaches, and Jordan asks “Do I look like Lance Armstrong or do I look like Lance Armstrong?” (Um, no.) Carol whines about biking, with Brandy telling her that she takes a spinning class so Carol should “kick my ass.” Carol thanks her for “that tone.” These women should just break up now before they kill each other!

Brent & Caite get their pigeon in the air and set off down the road. They are supposed to go southwest, and there is a sign with “N” and “S” pointing in the proper directions. Brent has a compass on his watch and Caite tells him to use it, and they see they are going north. They wander in the opposite direction down the road and Brent is wondering “if they meant south as a direction, or south, like, go that direction?” (Does this man even get through a day without someone telling him how to brush his hair? I think that has to be about the dumbest thing I’ve heard in multiple seasons of the Amazing Race. It’s so dumb I have no idea what he thinks he means by it!!)

Jordan is yapping all the bike ride to the Pit Stop and Dan is begging him to shut up. They manage to get to the Mat in fourth place. Jeff & Jordan are finally at the battlefield and get their Speed Bump. They must reinforce a wall of the trench with branches to get their next clue. Jordan’s shoes are too big and her hat keeps falling off, and she stops to fix things as Jeff tells her to get moving. They see Joe & Heidi there and Jeff is excited seeing another team, knowing they have a chance. Brent & Caite wander down the road and see the clue box by the church, and start off to the Pit Stop. (They’re gonna be pissed when they get to the Mat! Missing a clue gets Phil kinda cranky.) They arrive and Phil tells them they have to go back and read the clue. (I can almost figure out by Phil’s look that he agrees with me - they are amazingly stupid sometimes.) Joe & Heidi are still desperately trying to decode the message, coming up with all kinds of phrases and getting nowhere. Jeff & Jordan finish shoring up the wall and get the clue with the Detour and Jeff tells Jordan it’s her choice, and she chooses to crawl through the field. Jeff is trying to make her crawl a certain way to help time, getting overly frustrated. The message says “the war is over” and as they hand it to the soldier, “Brent says Because of this message or because it took us so long to get here?” They get their pigeon sent and take off, and see that Joe & Heidi were U-Turned, realizing they are still in the Race. Joe & Heidi take one more message to the soldier and find out they’re wrong yet again. It should have said “we will prevail, viva le France.” Joe says he’s not happy that they were U-Turned but they understand the rules and the Race. At least he’s graceful in losing!

So here’s our order of finish:

1- Michael & Louie
2- Steve & Allie
3- Jet & Cord
4- Dan & Jordan
5- Carol & Brandy
6- Brent & Caite (even after having to go back)
7- Jeff & Jordan
8- Joe & Heidi (eliminated)

Are Michael & Louie going to continue to kick butt or is another team due for a first place finish? We’ll find out next week!

Sauerkraut and Beer - Made in Heaven for New York Detectives!

Another exciting leg of The Amazing Race begins in Argentina! Leaving first, Jet & Cord open their clue to find out they must fly to Frankfurt, Germany then catch a train to Hamburg. They will then have to scour the city on foot for Jungernstieg Street and the clue box. They stop at a travel agency and find out the first flight leaves at 11:10 a.m. the next morning. They realize that most of the teams are going to be on the same flight.

Carol & Brandy decided that they are going to avoid the meltdowns - their word from now on is “respectful.” We’ll see how long that lasts..... Dan says he hates flying and he’s doing the Race for his brother Jordan.

All the teams end up leaving at the same time but taking different routes to get to Germany. No mention made of the landing times, so one can only conclude that they were pretty close together. (After seeing the landing times, the planes land within an hour of each other). Jet & Cord and Louie & Michael land first and get their tickets, and wait for the train. Dan & Jordan and Carol & Brandy land with time to catch the train, but have problems finding the correct gate and get to the landing as the train is leaving. They end up on the same train with all the other teams.

Jet & Cord (with the stupid plastic on his cowboy hat, he looks like a dork! C’mon, if they’re real cowboys, those hats are made to withstand all kinds of weather. Every cowboy watching this show is probably rolling his eyes out of his head.) make it to the clue box to find an Intersection. This means each team must join with another team to mutually complete the challenge. Of course, they talk to the detectives and team up for the Roadblock in the clue. “Who wants to reach new heights?” Working together, the two to perform the Roadblock will take a train to Hamburg Harbor and bungee 150 feet in the middle of the city to get their next clue.

Joe & Heidi decide to work with Steve & Allie, and talk to a guy they met on the train to point them in the right direction. Dan & Jordan will work with Carol & Brandy, with Dan saying that Carol is “like the lesbian aunt that I never had.” They grab an English-speaking local to lead them to the Harbor. That leaves Brent & Ciate and Jeff & Jordan to team up. The girls decide to try the task. Brent talks about how Caite has lived in New York and has a good sense of direction, and Jordan decides to let Caite “lead the way,” which (of course) means they’ll end up on the wrong train. They get on a train and it’s moving before they ask where it’s going. (All the young blondes watching this - if they have half a brain - are groaning that Jordan & Caite are adding to the stupidity stereotype. And they’re doing a fine job!) I suppose it never occurred to them to ask BEFORE they got on a train......

Michael & Jet get to the bungee drop and get geared up. The guys working the bungee tell Jet he’ll lose his hat, but he insists he won’t. Believe it or not, it doesn’t! They’re stuck/tied together to jump, and both are yelling as they do it. Michael is amazed that Jet’s hat stayed on, and Jet tells him that “a real cowboy’s hat never comes off.” (Never?) They get the clue and are told not to open it until they are reunited with their teammates.

Joe & Allie are on their way to the Harbor. Dan & Brandy are close behind and get to watch Joe & Allie do their jump and Brandy looks ready to pass out. “They’re upside down!” (Otherwise they’d have to tie the bungee cord to your neck, dipwad!)

Once Michael & Jet are back with Louie & Cord, the clue tells the teams to find Kaiser Wilhelm and find their next clue box. They must find a square with a statue of Wilhelm, and they are no longer helping each other (well, unless they want to, I suppose!) Michael & Louie take off in a cab and Jet & Cord hop on a train.

Dan spends his whole bungee jump assuring Brandy and telling her that she’ll be okay. Caite & Jordan show up so obviously their little train detour didn’t hurt them much. About this time, Michael & Louie are at the clue box and find a Detour: Soccer or Sauerkraut. (Mmm now I’m interested - and getting hungry!) In Soccer, teams must go to a 100-year-old stadium and kick soccer balls at five targets in the goal from the penalty line. Once they’ve hit all five, they get their next clue. For Sauerkraut, they must go to a restaurant and while a band plays the Sauerkraut Polka, they must finish a plate of sauerkraut together before the song ends to get their clue. If they don’t make it, they have to get another plate of sauerkraut and give it another try. Of course, we don’t know how long the song is....

Michael & Louie, no surprise, decide to eat the sauerkraut. They could probably finish it before the 4th bar of the song!! Jet & Cord realize that taking the train was a bad idea and the long way around. Joe & Heidi and Steve & Allie jump in cabs to find the Wilhelm statue. Caite & Jordan don’t scream as they bungee, which is interesting - all the other teams screamed on the way down and the two little blondies took it like men!

At the restaurant, Michael & Louie see the plate of sauerkraut and figure they have this in the bag. Michael says he’s “eaten things as big as Jet & Cord” so no problems with the plate of sauerkraut. (We still don’t know how long the song is). They blasted through the sauerkraut with time to spare, with Michael eating the lion’s share, and Louie even licked the plate! (Man, that stuff looked good, too!)

Their clue tells them to go to the Haifisch Bar and share a huge “boot” of beer. (Now, the cowboys may have had the advantage in Argentina, but it looks like our New York City detectives have found the leg of the Race that is right up their alley! Food and beer???!)

Jet & Cord run into Steve & Allie and Joe & Heidi at the statue, and all three teams decide to try the Soccer challenge. Brent & Caite and Jeff and Jordan ask a local how to get to the statue and are told to take the train, and Carol & Brandy and Dan & Jordan get the same erroneous advice.

Michael & Louie get to the bar and find out they’re drinking beer. Michael takes the first sip and calls it nasty - he doesn’t drink beer. Looks like Louie will have to kick ass on this one and grabs the beer and starts guzzling it down.

At the soccer field, Joe can’t kick because his knee really hurts. (He’d complained about it earlier. What made him think going to a soccer field was going to be conducive to a bad knee?) They get five balls each and once they kick the five balls, they have to retrieve them and line them up again. Steve & Allie get two targets pretty quickly and the cowboys are still trying to find the soccer field. Brent & Caite are going for the Sauerkraut and Jeff & Jordan head off to the Soccer field.

Joe & Heidi decide to switch tasks and yell to Jeff & Jordan to forget it, so they turn around and head off for sauerkraut. Jet & Cord kick their first ball over the goal, but get their rhythm and get two targets pretty quickly.

Back at the bar, Louie chugged the beer like a champ (a very bloated one, I’ll bet) and their clue says to go to Beatlers Platz, a monument honoring the Beatles who began playing their music in Hamburg. There, they must find the Indra Club, where the Beatles first played and is the Pit Stop.

Brandy & Carol go for Sauerkraut and Dan & Jordan will try the Soccer. Jeff & Jordan are wandering around trying to find someone to ask about directions, and Brent & Caite seem to be in a cab from Hell, going down a dark road with a non-communicative driver. They look resigned to the fact that they’re going to blow it big time on this leg of the Race. After some discussion, the driver realizes he’s input his information incorrectly into his GPS and refigures the directions.

Michael & Louie get a female cab driver, and she tells them that they’re going to an area of pubs, discos, and sex shops. They laugh at that idea and a few minutes later get to the “red light” district to find the Indra Club and a waiting Phil in first place. They jump for joy and are told they’ve each won a $5,000 gift card. (Now THAT’S my idea of a prize!)

Steve & Allie get to the bar and they interview that all through this leg of the Race, Steve has been saying he wanted a beer, but didn’t want to spend the money. (Be careful what you wish for....now you’ve got enough beer for three legs of the Race!)

Jet & Cord hit their next three targets in a row, saying that it’s the first time they’ve ever been on a soccer field. “One more thing on the list that we haven’t done....check.” (I just love these guys more every week.) Steve & Allie down their beer (with Steve drinking most of it) and he’s holding his stomach in the cab. Joe & Heidi get to the restaurant and ask how long the song is, but get no answer. They start blasting down the sauerkraut and finish in plenty of time. Carol & Brandy show up and start mowing down, with Brandy shoveling and Carol daintily picking through the sauerkraut. (Stuff that sauerkraut, woman! Something tells me they’re gonna have problems with the beer...) Dan & Jordan are at the soccer field and Jordan proves that he’s useless at kicking balls. Looks like Dan gets all the targets and they get their clue and head off to the bar. One of the cowboys says “I’ve never drank a beer in my whole life!” (Been out on the range a bit too long, buddy!)

Steve & Allie get to the Mat in second place. Joe & Heidi suck down the beer and Joe makes some nasty puking noises as if the beer is coming right back up. Jet & Cord complain about the taste but are getting through their boot pretty good. Jordan has to hold her nose to eat the sauerkraut and they’re not doing well and don’t finish - they leave a half-plate full. Brent & Caite are excited about the soccer challenge because Caite is good at soccer. She hits a target right away then slips in the wet grass and twists something in her hip. She’s crying “I’ve been playing soccer since I was five years old and it’s pissing me off.” (Now you know what getting older is about, Boopsie!) She refuses to switch tasks and coaches Brent to hit some targets.

Joe & Heidi find the Indra Club and are third. Jet & Cord finally finish their beer and Carol & Brandy watch them leave. Cord vows that he “never, ever in his life wants another beer.” Carol & Brandy finish and Carol is doing some major burping in the cab. Brent & Caite manage to hit all their targets as Dan & Jordan get to the bar, saying they’re going to be shitfaced by the time they finish their beer. Driving through the “red light” district to find the Indra Club, Jet tells Cord “we are no longer in the Bible Belt.” They get to the bar and Phil tells them they are in fourth place. Jeff & Jordan aren’t doing all that well at the soccer field, but they do get one target on their first set of balls.

Carol & Brandy make it to the Indra Club in fifth. Brent & Caite get to the bar and Caite says she hates beer. Dan & Jordan get to the red light street to find the club and Jordan announces “I’m drunk.” Jeff & Jordan finally finish hitting the targets and we see Brent trying to finish the beer as he walks off to puke in the street (no bathrooms in the bar?) We see Jeff & Jordan in the cab on their way to the bar with Jeff burping up sauerkraut - is he in for a treat! Caite makes Brent finish the beer when he gets back Jeff is happy he has to drink a beer and gets cheered by everyone in the bar as he sucks it down. Brent & Caite are wandering the street to find Indra Club as Jeff & Jordan arrive and both teams wander around looking for it. Brent & Caite get to the Mat first and tell Phil they’re expecting bad news, but find out that they’re still in the Race. As Jeff & Jordan show up, Phil tells them they’re the last team to arrive. Jeff says he feels sick, but he doesn’t know if it’s the sauerkraut or the fact that they came in last. “Four legs [of the Race] and a boot of beer.” Phil then tells them that it’s a non-elimination leg of the Race, but they will have to step it up because they’ll have a Speed Bump on the next leg.

So is this just a delayed end of the Race for Jeff & Jordan? Will everyone recover from the sauerkraut and beer? Can you begin a leg of The Amazing Race with a hangover? We’ll find out next week!

Here's the order of finish:
1 - Michael & Louie
2 - Steve & Allie
3 - Joe & Heidi
4 - Jet & Cord
5 - Carol & Brandy
6 - Dan & Jordan
7 - Brent & Caite
8 - Jeff & Jordan (non-elimination leg)

And excuse me for using this opportunity, but a dear friend of mine has been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and I’m going to walk and try and raise money for a cure and assistance to those with the disease. She’s in her early 30's and has a 2-year-old son and deserves to stick around to see her son grow .... so here’s the link to my fundraising page. If you enjoy these bogs at all, please find it in your heart and wallet to donate - no matter how much. Thanks!
http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR/Walk/MIGWalkEvents?px=7783693&pg=personal&fr_id=13983&s_tafId=148678