Damn but it's cold! (Forgot my thermal underwear!)

Okay folks, better late than never … I had to scoot out of town last week Monday because my daughter in NY had baby Hayley Jane a bit earlier than expected. Mom & Baby are doing very well but of course, I’ve been busy playing Grandma.

The teams left the Pit Stop with directions to take the Trans-Siberian railroad to the city of Novosibirsk and race to the Puknte Technicheskovo Kontrolya for their clue. The Blondies Christie & Jodi were hoping to go somewhere warmer, but Christie didn’t have much hope, saying “any city with that many consonants in it isn’t warm.” Kisha & Jen left shortly after and thought about catching up to the Blondes but wondered “How do we know they’re going the right way?” They did end up walking together to the train station, complaining about the cold all the way. The one and only train to Novosibirsk left at 10:26 PM, meaning all the teams caught up at the train station. Mike mentioned that “the first will be last and the last will be first” prompting his preacher father Mel to say “he’s quoting the Bible! Praise the Lord!”

Everyone was happy that they got sleeper berths on the train – although Kisha did note that her feet hung off the end of the bed and they were bunk-style. “I better not sit up fast in the middle of the night or it’s all over” because there wasn’t much head room. Mike was telling Margie & Luke that he didn’t sleep well and Luke made motions as if he were crying. Mike told him “you’re going to create a whole new archetype, the sinister deaf kid.” He also remembered that they U-Turned the fast Amanda & Kris and said “I’ll just walk around limping so you don’t U-Turn us.” (Of course, it was never clarified whether Luke was being sarcastic or whether Mike just took it that way …. Although I’d go with sarcastic. Luke has a mean streak in there!)

Kisha & Jen were the first off the train but headed off in the opposite direction from the other teams and ended up being the last to grab a taxi. Cara & Jamie again teamed up with Margie & Luke and got to the clue box first, finding a Detour – Russian Bride or Russian Snowplow. “In Russian Bride, teams had to drive a car with four-speed manual transmission, known as a Lada, to a large Soviet-era apartment complex and search for one of the waiting brides. Once found, teams drive the bride across town to a church where her groom awaited. When the photographer snapped their wedding picture, the groom would hand teams their next clue. In Russian Snowplow, teams drove a Lada downtown to Stadium Spartak where they would each take a turn operating a cumbersome snowplow through a training course.”

Cara & Jamie and Margie & Luke decided to operate the snowplows when Tammy & Victor pulled up and asked which one they were doing. They all decided to stick together and find the location until a stop at a gas station for directions. Victor asked a cab driver and got directions while the Redheads asked the gas station attendant, who wasn’t very helpful – and deciding not to wait, Tammy & Victor took off. To their credit, Tammy said “we don’t have any alliances with other teams, but when we can work together we try to.” (And then say "screw you" and take off!) Margie & Luke see them take off and follow after them, hoping the Redheads were able to catch up. Tammy & Victor had to stop once again for directions and Margie & Luke caught up, but when Victor saw a local giving Margie directions to go straight, he called Tammy back to the car and they took off ahead again. The light dawned on Margie & Luke that they couldn’t really be trusted, and Luke said “Game on.” It turned out to be bad for Tammy & Victor because they got caught in traffic and ended up in a lane that wasn’t moving, allowing Cara & Jamie and Margie & Luke to beat them to the snowplows. The bad luck didn’t hold out though, because while the other teams were going to the wrong snowplows, Victor grabbed a correct one and got moving first. The team member not driving was told to hold a tiny paddle and direct the driver. (I wouldn’t have gotten in front of this massive machine coming at me, that’s for sure! Talk about trust!) Luke was gesturing wildly to Margie to get her to stay on the course and turn (not like those things turned very quickly either).

In the meantime, Mel & Mike and Christie & Jodi decided to look for brides. Christie & Jodi had problems finding the bride building so the Blondies asked directions of some locals and ended up with a bunch of drunken men who wanted to give them more than directions. The girls complained that “they smelled of vodka and had bad teeth.” Christie said that “one of them touched my butt and asked my name.” (Again, look at the Russian women. Why should she be surprised?) They ended up paying a cab driver to follow him and went to the wrong church. Their bride had no gloves or hat and just a small poncho-like coat over her gown, and the poor girl looked frozen by the time they got back in the car to find the right church. Christie mentioned that they would make lousy wedding planners, and that their bride was “freezing her ass off.” All of the brides driven by the teams looked a bit scared of their drivers (everyone had problems finding the church).

Mark & Michael, the stuntbrothers, decided that looking for brides was “too complicated, I don’t need to go looking for another bride” and opted for the machinery, blasting through the task with no problems. Kisha & Jen were getting farther behind because although they found their bride quickly, Jen had major problems driving the four-speed and kept stalling the car in intersections.

As everyone got done and got their next clue, it was hysterical to hear them try and pronounce it. I will not even try to spell it myself, this is copied from the CBS website: “they needed to drive to Gosudarstvennaya Publichnaya Nauchnaya Tekhnicheskaya Biblioteka, the largest library in Siberia.” (I’ll keep good ol’ USA style – “Public Library”).

Once at the library clue box, they found a Roadblock. “One team member had to partner with two local runners, and first warm up for a mandatory ten-minute period. Then, they had to participate in a winter run the way only the bravest locals do—in their underwear. With their Siberian partners, they had to run approximately 1.4 miles to the Novosibirsk Ballet and Opera Theater where their teammate who traveled there separately would be waiting for them. The reunited team would then go into the theater to find the Pit Stop for this leg of the race.” (The producers better have some really airtight papers for these people to sign – first bungee jumping off a dam, and now they have to run over a mile in their underwear at about 27 degrees???!!!! No freaking way!!) Luke was in great shape and aside from his embarrassment of running in his underwear – he said “I didn’t look at anyone so they wouldn’t look at me” – he sailed through the run and met his Mom at the Opera Theater to end up in first place. Cara ran off ahead of Tammy, but the run and the cold got to her and she had to walk which allowed Tammy to get ahead and second place for her and Victor. Mike offered to do the task and wasn’t thrilled with running in his underwear, although Mel definitely wouldn’t have made it between his groin and – well, I wouldn’t want to see him in his underwear!!!! Mike was sorry he wore his boots - his feet must have been in pain at the end of the run. The Blondies were having trouble again finding their destination but decided that they would stay calm because “it’s counterproductive to yell at each other.” (There is a definite lack of teams yelling at each other this season. Tammy could have gotten going really well with Victor but was the nice little sister … she said she was “going to be mean” if she had to but I think she’s gonna stick to being a wuss.) Mark the stuntguy ran the course and bragged how his Russian runners had to keep up with him. He did run very impressively, then blew it when they entered the Theater and went wandering around looking for Phil. Phil snapped his fingers (no help) and then whistled at the guys who finally noticed where they were supposed to be. Jen & Kisha had no problem with the task but Jen said “I had to put on underwear to run.” Christie ran the course with a blur on her butt because of her thong underwear, and Jodi had to get some medical attention because she slammed her finger in the car door. (With all the lecherous drunks in Siberia, Christie is lucky she finished the race instead of being carted off to some hovel somewhere!) In the end, the physically fit sisters Jen & Kisha beat out the Blondies to the finish. Luckily for Christie & Jodi, Phil told them it was a non-elimination leg and they would have to deal with a speed bump during the next leg. Christie was happy that “I didn’t have to run naked for nothing.”

So here’s how they finished:
1- Margie & Luke
2- Tammy & Victor
3- Cara & Jaime
4- Mel & Mike
5- Mark & Michael
6- Kisha & Jen
7- Christie & Jodi – not eliminated!

So! Will the Blondes be able to make up the time or are they goners? Can everyone stay happy and cooperative with each other or will Victor give Tammy a reason to kick his ass?